softly tread the sand
by fiesa
Summary: Fire and wind, leaves and sand. Two worlds: someone's heart always ends up broken. But hearts can heal. Multi-chaptered story- Temari, Shikamaru, Ino. Features the sand siblings and the Konoha Twelve, each in their respective villages, and a link between both. Complete in twelve chapters. Written from TEMARI'S point of view.
1. One

**softly tread the sand**

_Summary: Fire and wind, leaves and sand. Two worlds: someone's heart always ends up broken. But hearts can heal. Multi-chaptered story- Temari, Shikamaru, Ino. Features the sand siblings and the Konoha Twelve, each in their respective villages. And a link between both. Complete in twelve chapters. _

_Warning: Rated T for minimal language and adult situations without getting detailed. _

_Set: Story-unrelated. Though this might be a companion piece to "Conversation, Inconvenient" and especially to "Never Change" there is no need to have read the other stories._

_Disclaimer: Standards apply. Title is a line from "Two Worlds" by Phil Collins, found by accident. Found and judged fitting._

* * *

**Chapter One**

"Fuck, Temari!" Kankurou sat up again, pressing both his hands to his rib cage. "What the _hell_?"

Blankly, Temari stared at her elder brother. His expression had gone from surprised to angry. Now it went back to worried. "Temari, are you alright?"

"Huh? Yeah." Lifting the hand that had delivered the punch, she glanced at her fingers. They were balled into a fist tightly. It took a conscious effort to relax them again and she shook her hand, suddenly feeling a dull pain creep up her wrist. "_Ouch._ That must have hurt."

"_Really_." Kankurou was up again, his un-marked face glistening with sweat from their early-morning sparring match, his voice full of sarcasm. He dragged a hand through his hair and only achieved an even worse result than probably intended. Who would know. Men these days did things to their hair Temari wouldn't even consider doing to her own, no matter how annoying her curly, blond mane was. "You countered quickly, I'll give you this. Just remember, next time, that your steel fist can be devastating, okay?"

His tone might have been mocking but his eyes were worried. It was what made her snap back into reality, and also what got her riled all up. "What, your pride was damaged or what? Your side was wide open, I could have gotten in with a bulldozer. Learn to shield yourself correctly and I'll consider pulling my punches."

Unfazed, her brother grinned and used his shirt to wipe sweat from his brow. "There you are. I already was beginning to worry. Since you returned from Hidden Leaf…" He stopped himself, his gaze turning dark. "Does this have anything to do with Nara?"

"What are you talking about?"

"There's only one person who can make you angry enough to forget everything around you and though I pride myself in being one who _almost_ achieves this I know this disputable honor does not belong to me."

Temari loved her brother – when he did not infuriate her – but she wouldn't discuss this with him.

"Whatever happened in Hidden Leaf," she said, deliberately calmly, "_If_ anything happened at all, is none of your business. That clear?"

"Crystal clear," Kankurou shot back. From the frown lines deepening above his nose she could see he, even if he wouldn't ask her again, was far from willing to drop the subject just like that. The pest on all nosy, caring brothers. "So, anyway, should we call it a day? Gaara asked us to go see him."

Temari shrugged and wiped her own face on her arm. "Whatever."

She caught the glance Kankurou threw her but chose to ignore it.

…

Gaara was pacing in the huge office that somehow managed to dwarf him. Closer to twenty than to nineteen, he had grown into a proud, tall man. His shoulders had widened and his lankiness had disappeared. And yet for Temari, he would always stay the small, shy boy who had hung around when she and Kankurou trained without asking for permission to participate and whom they had ignored completely. Until one day. "Train him," their father had said, and from that moment they had trained together. Reluctantly first and later becoming closer, until Temari had two people she would trust her life with, both of them being her brothers.

"Naruto sends his regards, more sweets than I could carry and a whole lot of messages," Temari greeted Gaara and was rewarded with a smile that disappeared as quickly as it had come but nevertheless carried true warmth.

"Welcome back," he answered. "How was your journey?"

"Unspectacular." Temari put down her bag, dropped into one of the seats in front of the huge desk and fastened her eyes on her younger brother. Kankurou followed her example on her right. "Kankurou said everything was quiet during my absence."

"Wonder why," Kankurou muttered and she glared at him. He grinned back.

"Nothing I couldn't handle," Gaara said and finally dropped into his own chair on the other side of the table. "Nothing Kankurou couldn't help me with, and the Council. What about Konoha?"

"Same as always. There are some trade agreements Naruto would like to go over with you. A daimyo is suing Konoha for a mission gone wrong. Leaf is requesting one of our specialists on poison to be an expert witness in the trial. I think the Godaime Hokage is planning on abdicating this or next year, Naruto was present the entire time we talked but they didn't let anything slip. And they're very worried about the situation in Tea. If the government isn't able to hold itself against the rebels they're going to ask for Konoha's help and it doesn't seem like the Hokage is very happy about the situation."

"Hm." Gaara regarded his hands thoughtfully. "Of course she didn't tell you that."

"Of course not." Temari leaned forward. "She also did not tell me that Kiri is spying on both Leaf and us."

"Because that would have been a breach of contract," Kankurou said dryly. "Not to mention that we are _allied_ to Kiri and Leaf."

"Exactly." Gaara sighed. "I always knew shinobi politics were hell. But I never realized how bad it really was until I found myself in the middle of it."

Temari pulled a few scrolls from the bag she had slung over the chair's back. "Anyway, here are my preliminary reports. I've highlighted the most important passages. I know you don't have time right now. When would you like to go over these?"

"I have a meeting with the Council now and the usual stuff after lunch. What about we have dinner and you brief me then?"

Temari shrugged. "I could-"

"I will cook," Kankurou interrupted her. Turning to Gaara, he grinned. "You know every time she comes back from Leaf she has learned some new, weird recipe she has to try on us. Frankly I'm not keen on dying tonight."

"You could die from other things tonight if you don't stop," Gaara said bemusedly.

Temari threw him a dark look as well, for good measure. "Fine, Kankurou takes care of the food. Seven o'clock. My place." Without looking back, she marched from the room. Leaving, she heard Gaara sigh.

"What has Nara done this time?"

"I dumped him," she called back.

…

The first time Temari had met Nara Shikamaru she had thought he was a terrible bore. The guy had no sense of fashion (that hair style, _please_), his voice was low and endlessly boring and he seemed as if nothing could ever catch his interest. Even fighting her he'd preferred to sit on the ground, _waiting_, instead of taking the initiative and commencing any offensive action. It was as if everything in him had just been designed to tick her off.

Then he had defeated her so completely she could have wept with shame and had just walked away. And without wanting it – without even realizing it – Temari had been hooked.

Anyway. He had been the enemy at that time and she had had no intention of fraternizing with him. Then came Orochimaru's plot and Gaara's rampage and Sasuke's defection and suddenly he was there again. Or rather: Temari was there, saving his lazy Nara ass from Tayuya. Why had she been so glad to see him again, that fate had let her be the one to fight at his side? It was exhilarating, anyway. Better than actually fighting him was fighting at his side. Shikamaru Nara was four years younger than her and a hell of a lot smarter when it came to book smartness but Temari was at least as smart as he was when it came to street smartness, and that was what counted. Looking back, maybe it had been the advantage of experience, but whatever.

"Troublesome," he muttered when she visited Hidden Leaf for the first time in her official function of diplomatic envoy to the Kazekage, shortly after the Great War, and he was assigned to her as liaison. The village itself hadn't suffered, not in the way some small villages had suffered that had been closer to the battle field. But the aftereffects of the fights were visible in the number of patrolling shinobi at the gates – there were so few – and the way their faces kept reappearing in a tight schedule. It was visible in the way the Godaime looked exhausted even though she smiled when she greeted Temari and in the way mothers held on to their children tightly when walking through the street. Temari had witnessed these same symptoms in Suna and as it had there her heart contracted. War never went by unnoticed.

The Godaime had bid her Good Night and Shikamaru had followed her from the office, taking the lead immediately. Temari had stopped short, glaring at the dark-haired shinobi to her side. "I did not ask you to accompany me all the way. I can find a place to stay by myself-"

He didn't answer, just kept walking. Fuming, she followed.

"We're there," he finally announced, his face showing no indication that he had even heard her. The small B&B almost disappeared in between two larger buildings. He didn't stop to hold the door for her but walked through as if he didn't care whether she followed or not. "She has a room," he told the old lady at the reception. "Suna's diplomatic corps."

"Which only consists of one person." Temari was tired, having traveled the entire day. Perhaps it was the reason her own doubt managed to slip through her defenses: she had never been in such a position before. Gaara was relying on her, now more than ever, and she wasn't completely sure she could live up to the expectations that were placed on her. Far from home, in the darkness, the doubts had only waited for her.

"If the Kazekage had thought it necessary to send any number of people he'd done so," her companion replied as he scooped up the keys and handed them to her. "You will do just fine. I'll pick you up at eight tomorrow. Good Night." And he left her to stare after him.

"Do you need a towel, dear?" The receptionist asked and handed her a huge, fluffy one without awaiting her answer. "Here you go. Breakfast is at seven. Your room is just up the stairs, the second door to the left. If you need anything else, come to see me." And, with a last glance at the door and a smile: "He's harsh, Shikamaru. But he's a good boy."

Temari was left to wonder how the lady could call the seasoned, experienced shinobi who had just walked out of the door _boy_ and came to the conclusion it had to do something with age. From her own perspective, everyone who had survived the war was far more than a boy.


	2. Two

**Chapter Two**

"Show me your village," she asked him, three days later.

Shikamaru sighed. "How troublesome."

By now she was used to his attitude, so she just ignored him. Shikamaru brought her to the scenic-view-point on the cliffs above the great stone heads of past Fire Shadows. He took her to a concert, some strange classical music that sounded alien but strangely comforting. He introduced her to a tradition that involved children, lovingly cut and painted paper lanterns, singing and sweets and when Temari's last day came she was almost sad to leave because there still was more to see. She had never been the one to wallow in homesickness but had, on occasions, felt the draw towards desert and sand. Not during the one week she stayed in Leaf, although the cool mists that covered the ground in the morning and the autumn rains did give her chills. On her last evening, Shikamaru took her out for dinner.

Temari woke up next to him the next day, in her double bed at the place she was staying in.

"Fuck."

"Way to go," he returned, already awake, very close and looking at her with his usual expressionless expression. "This is-"

"Troublesome, I know," she snapped back. "Dammit, dammit, dammit."

"I actually wanted to say _unprofessional._" His dry comment halted her in her frantic search for her clothes. She glanced up just in time to see a smirk run over his face. His eyes continued to take her in.

"Do you mind?" She demanded, stemming both her fists into her side and glaring at him in return. Naked, he looked even better. His skin was toned and his muscles defined and his hair had been freed from the confinements of its usual ponytail.

"Actually, I don't." He half-shrugged, half-drawled. "We're adults."

"What if I had a boyfriend back home?" Temari demanded, angrier that he was taking this so easily than at what had actually happened. "What if I was _engaged_?"

"You haven't, and you aren't." Shikamaru stated the words with such certainty that she wanted to punch him.

"How would you know?"

"Observation. And this was a mutual thing, either way."

Speechless, she stared at him, then turned around to grab her underwear. Behind her, she heard him glide from the bed and begin to dress, as well. Temari pulled her dress over her head, slid into her leggings and shoes and made it into the bathroom before Shikamaru. She splashed water into her face, dragged a brush through her hair and slipped out again, and found him sitting on the bed: green vest, dark uniform, his hair in his usual ponytail as if nothing had ever happened.

"So now?"

"Now we're having breakfast, and then I'll see you off."

It didn't seem like he wanted to talk it out. Which suited her just fine. Also, their nightly engagement didn't seem to have had an impact on their conversation. After a short goodbye in the main office from the smiling Godaime and an enthusiastic Naruto Temari found herself at the gates, Shikamaru next to her. She felt the eyes of the guard on her back and shifted her fan to block him out, knowing it didn't matter and that the guards couldn't hear them anyway.

"Have a good trip," Shikamaru said and sunk his hands in his pockets, as casual and aggravating as he had been the past eight days, and Temari decided that she wouldn't let herself be rattled by a man who was three years younger than her and didn't seem to have any difficulties getting over the fact that they'd had sex the night before despite their professional relationship.

"Bye," she told him, adjusted her gear one last time and took off. When she looked back shortly thereafter – after a long inner monologue that led her nowhere – he was still standing there. His hands in his pockets, looking after her.

…

"Temari!"

A voice brought Temari back to reality. She wasn't in Hidden Leaf any longer. Shikamaru, though his voice and glance still were clear in her mind, was a hundred miles away. Apparently she had been standing at the foot of the stairs that led up to the main house, from where she had come from her briefing with Gaara and Kankurou. Her hand still on the railing, she had been staring into space without seeing and hearing anything. Now outside, she could feel Suna's heat creep up on her. Her skin tingled from the warmth she had missed so desperately before. No matter how much she liked the cool forests and green meadows of Hidden Leaf: this was her home. The heat and glare of the sun was what she had grown up with. In her heart, Temari would forever remain a desert child.

The girl – _woman_, she had to remind herself – that had called her name from far was Matsuri. The young woman was walking towards her in a brisk pace, her hand lifted as in greeting and a smile on her face. Compared to Temari, she was tiny – barely 1.55 meters – and she looked younger than she was. But training with Gaara had given her some of the confidence she had lacked in her youth and she held herself proudly. Temari liked her and wouldn't have minded seeing her as more than a student and friend to Gaara but it wasn't her call.

"Matsuri!" Temari greeted her as well. "How are you?"

"I'm fine, thanks," Matsuri replied, finally reaching her and clasping her hand. "I heard you just returned from Hidden Leaf? I hope everything went well."

"The usual problems." Temari forced herself to smile. It was easier with people who didn't know her as well as her brothers did. "Rain, trees, all that green. I couldn't imagine living there for long."

"It's very different," Matsuri agreed. "I'd like to see it, too, one day."

"Perhaps if Gaara travels there the next time, he'll take you." Matsuri blushed and Temari felt her smile turn real. "You're his apprentice, after all," she added and stopped the stammering girl before she would say anything to embarrass herself even more. Time for a change of topic. "Are you off duty today?"

Matsuri caught herself. "Actually, no, I've got the evening guard shift. Are you free for lunch? Would you like to join me?"

Checking off her schedule in her head, Temari shook her head apologetically. "I'm sorry but I've got a meeting with the Council at lunch today." She would have to sit down to go over her notes before the meeting. It was better to discuss some things with Gaara first before notifying the Council so she would have to check which information to omit at first. If there was any way Temari would have avoided briefing the Council entirely but it was a base for democracy that she could understand, even if she disliked it. It was just that reporting back to the Elders and waiting for their approval cost Gaara so much valuable time… She cast away the thought. "But it would be nice to go out once again. You wouldn't mind if the girls joined us?"

Matsuri's face brightened. "How about a movie night? We've hadn't had one in a long time. I know it's one of those things you started that originally came from Hidden Leaf but we always enjoyed it a lot."

For a second, Temari couldn't breathe. "Why not?" She finally said. "What about Friday night? I'll ask the girls."

"Great!" Matsuri glowed. "The last time we had a night like that we didn't watch any movies at all, remember?"

Temari laughed. "Yeah, because Sarai and Mika kept telling us all those old stories we'd already heard three times before."

"Well, it was the first time for me," Matsuri chuckled. "I enjoyed it greatly."

"It's a date, then," Temari said steeling herself, determined to not be depressed. "I'll see you then!"

Matsuri returned the greeting and walked off and Temari sighed. Only two hours left until she had to report to the Council. She'd better get her notes in order.


	3. Three

**Chapter Three**

Whatever Kankurou did and said: he was an excellent cook.

Leaning back on her hands, Temari sighed. "That's what I missed in Konoha. They have all kinds of food – and it's good, too. But it's... Too different."

"If you can't adjust to foreign eating habits," her elder brother taunted, "You shouldn't be a diplomat, eh, Gaara?"

"If you can't control your tongue," Temari started and broke off in mid-sentence, remembering the same argument with a different partner. Hadn't it been so painful she would have been surprised that something as insubstantial as a memory could hurt so much. "Whatever, Kankurou."

She glanced up just in time to see her brothers exchange a worried look and bit her tongue in anger at herself.

"What is it?" She demanded, suddenly desperate to get over with it. She knew as well as they did that this was something she eventually would have to tell them, private life or not. They were siblings. Theoretically, it was _her_ life and they had no say in it. But at the same time _they were siblings._ Temari would have plumbed her brothers for every detail had they broken up with someone they had been with for five years and she expected no less of them, even if it was bound to be hard. "Get over with it, and quickly, so we can do some work."

Gaara leaned back and watched her from the corner of his washed-out, green eyes. Since Shukaku had left him the signs of his insomnia had mostly fled from his face: he looked like a normal shinobi in his usual nondescript uniform. Kankurou was looking at her openly, his face a mask of poorly hidden concern. None of them spoke.

"Fine," Temari said, taking a deep breath. "I broke up with him. We only saw each other for a few weeks now and then and it was getting too hard to bear. He knew I'd never leave Suna to go live in Hidden Leaf and he wouldn't leave Leaf. We had no future, so I ended the entire thing."

Silence, even from Kankurou.

"Just like that?" Gaara asked finally, his voice level.

"Yes." Somehow, she didn't trust her voice.

"After five years?"

"So what?"

"That bastard didn't cheat on you, did he?" Kankurou asked, his eyes shrinking to slits. "Because if he did and you're just covering up for him…"

"If he had cheated on me, believe me, I wouldn't cover for him," Temari hissed. "He didn't do anything."

"Maybe that was the problem." Gaara's intuition, pointed and sharp like a kunai, hit thebull's eye. "Was there something he should have done but failed to do?"

"Like what?" Temari stared down her brothers, her eyes only slits now as well.

"I don't know," Gaara answered; his calm demeanor a stark contrast to his angry elder siblings. "Do you?"

There were a myriad of things Shikamaru could have done to make her feel better, Temari thought. Only there had been a difference between what he _could_ have done and what she _wanted_ him to do. Loving someone, she had realized, meant taking him with all his faults. And asking Shikamaru to do something she herself wouldn't do – wouldn't _want_ him to do, because that meant he wouldn't be the man she had fallen in love with – was impossible.

"Listen," Temari said, fighting to accept their desert-wide protective streaks as something positive. "We had a great time together but everything ends. I couldn't stay with Shikamaru any longer, so I broke up with him. And whatever people tell you: being the one to initiate a breakup isn't easier than being the one who's broken up with. In fact, it is fucking shitty both ways. But I'll get over it. So, while I appreciate your concern I'd find it far easier to skip over the topic now and get down to work instead."

"But," Kankurou objected. "If you still love him you can't just let go of him. What about that weird mind-reader Anbu woman? Has she done anything-"

"Kankurou." Gaara's quiet voice cut through Kankurou's agitation like a hot knife through butter. "Temari doesn't want to talk about it."

Opening his mouth to object Kankurou turned to Temari and saw her expression. He closed his mouth with an audible snap, his lips forming a tight line. "Fine," he said and stood to clear away the dishes. "For now, I'll let it be."

Temari loved her brothers when they were like that. So caring, so worried for her, so ready to travel to Konoha and beat up her ex-boyfriend for something _she_ had done to them, not he. Ignoring the tiny voice in her head that whispered that there were always two at fault, not one, and, in this case, probably even three, she rummaged through her bag and brought out her paperwork.

Now _that_ was just stupid. Two were a couple, and three... Well.

Gaara brushed aside a few crumbs and Kankurou placed three glasses and a bottle onto the polished hardwood table and for the rest of the evening she didn't think of Shikamaru anymore.

…

The moment she saw him standing in the gates of Hidden Leaf - hands in his pocket, eyes half-closed - she realized she had been thinking about him since the moment she had been told she was being sent to Leaf once again. He seemed completely at ease, leaning against the thick gate posts. The moment Temari came into view he pushed himself forward and took three steps, then stood still and waited for her to reach the gate.

Her second time as ambassador.

Temari wasn't prone to blushing and her sun-tanned skin would have hidden most of the reaction, anyway. But she couldn't stop her blood from rushing faster when she finally stopped in front of him. Taking down her fan, letting it thump to the ground and putting her folded hands on its top, she regarded him carefully.

"Nara."

He nodded in greeting, his face expressionless. "Ambassador."

A stab of disappointment shot through her, hot and acidic, and she wrestled it down violently. "The Kazekage sends his regards."

A nod. "I'll take you to see the Godaime Hokage."

They didn't talk more until they reached the Hokage's office. Nothing seemed to have changed in the five months of Temari's absence: the large, honey-colored desk filled the room and drew everyone's focus on the blonde woman in her green coat who was sitting behind it. Naruto was hovering close at hand. He seemed somewhat calmer than the raucous boy he had been nowadays, tempered by war and loss. And by people. Gaara had a similar look in his eyes, Temari thought and then concentrated on her task. Approximately forty-five minutes later, the Fire Shadow sighed. "You must be tired from your travels. I apologize for keeping you this long. You will be accommodated in the same place you stayed before – I trust you will find it again, and find it to your liking. We will continue this conversation tomorrow. How does nine thirty sound to you?"

"Thank you, Esteemed Hokage. I will be here tomorrow at the indicated time."

"Good." The Hokage's eyes slid to Shikamaru. "Nara-"

"I will accompany the Ambassador to her quarters," Shikamaru said. Temari's heart leaped and she struggled to keep her face straight.

Senju Tsunade eyed her own diplomat with an impassive face. "Very well. Be here tomorrow at the same time."

Shikamaru nodded and took Temari's bag.

February in Hidden Leaf was cold and icy, a stark contrast to the dry, unmoving heat that dominated Suna's winter. The freezing wind cut directly through her cloak.

"Here." Shikamaru led her down the road at a brisk pace. It was the same B&B again but with a man guarding the reception this time: younger, but with the face of the elder woman Temari had already met. He eyed her, obviously interested, but didn't say anything except for the usual courtesies. Shikamaru bid her good night curtly, but not before telling her she would join him for breakfast the next day. Temari laughed.

"How can I refuse when you put it like that?"

He stared back at her, his face still unreadable. "Good."

Only later she realized he had positioned himself between the icy wind and herself the entire way to her quarters.

…

And all the games he could play, she knew, too.

"I want to have fun," she told him when he asked her what she would like to do the next night. Shikamaru shrugged and took her to a boxing tournament. She was just about to tell him he hadn't understood _anything_ – and then she watched a man in the audience get up and make his way towards the ring. Stripping himself of his shirt – an action that elicited cheers and whistles – he was given a pair of gloves and a towel and took up position in the one corner.

"Hey," Temari said, quickly putting together the pieces. "Is the audience allowed to participate?"

Shikamaru nodded.

"Anyone?"

A nod.

"No matter the weight and size?"

"Well, if you want to participate you'd have to know which opponent you have a chance against and which not…"

"Take this." She thrust her bag and her newly-acquired winter cloak into his arms, scooped up her hair into one single ponytail and made her way down the stairs towards the ring.

In one break between her fights – she fought three men and beat two of them, glad it was a boxing tournament which forbade direct strikes to the head – she looked up into the audience and caught Shikamaru's eyes. He held her gaze: there was something like a smile on his lips. Frowning, she looked back. He nodded at her. And Temari felt a smile break out on her face, a smile she never had smiled before.

Though it was a nice hotel, Temari's bed was rather old. It didn't matter much on normal nights but when engaged in activities that required as much movement as sex did, the springs did bite into her back quite annoyingly. She repaid Shikamaru for the inconvenience by switching places with him somewhere in between. He was warm and muscular, his body against hers electric, and his mouth on hers – on her entire body – made her lose herself in a way she never had before. Back in Suna she had wondered how she could have let herself go like this – she should know better, being at least four years older than him – but it did not matter, and she did not care. First impressions only went so far, she noted for further reference. Warm hands slid down her sides, down to her tights and up again and Temari fought for breath, her own heartbeat loud in her ears. At one point Shikamaru was inside her – an exhilarating, incredible sensation – his hands on her hips, his breath ragged at her right ear. Temari stopped and held the tension, seconds, minutes, just looking at him, and Shikamaru looked right back. His lips parted – he whispered her name – and moved his hips. Heat exploded inside her so brightly she saw stars.

The next morning she watched him dress, still naked on the bed that did look a bit worse for the wear. "You are so much more than everyone suspects," she told him.

Shikamaru froze; his back to her. "How?"

The words were there, clear in her mind. She just wasn't sure she should say them. But she could still feel his hands on her skin, rough and warm, could see the way his lips shaped her name. He turned around and there was hesitation on his face, so untypical, and something like fear.

"You are not bland."

The way he kissed her told her she had found the right words.


	4. Four

_A/N: Seems like people have been waiting impatiently for this moment. Enter Ino._

**Chapter Four**

"Remember Chouji and Ino?"

_Remember_ was a difficult word to apply to the situation. Yes, Temari remembered: they had met before. As genin. As enemies. As allies, in small and large fights, all equally important. The trick was to match the adults in front of her with the children she had known. Temari could imagine it was equally hard for the others.

"Hi." She smiled at the smaller woman and the stocky shinobi who answered her greeting guardedly. Her mind drew up the images automatically: these were the blonde, annoying girl in a violet tunic that had fought Sakura during the trials and the chubby boy who had put up an interesting performance but had, ultimately, been defeated by a Sound nin. The girl had grown into a woman – she didn't reach Temari's height but wasn't as small and delicate as Hinata was, either – and seemed to have tuned down on her volume quite a lot. Ino's hair was shoulder-length now and her purple tops and skirts had been exchanged for the similar practical wear Temari liked, as well: a long top and leggings. Her outfit was completed by a flak vest. Chouji, on the other hand, had grown. With the added height, his body proportions seemed to have balanced out. He no longer seemed fat but broad-shouldered and strong. His hair was longer and wasn't pulled up into the two tufts Temari remembered them being in. Both of them eyed her watchfully but didn't seem to object to her presence.

"So how do you like Hidden Leaf, now that you have been able to have a good look at it?" Chouji asked over dinner. The silent chatter of other patrons eating their meals at the other tables provided for a calming background noise. Since Shikamaru didn't talk much (Temari almost caught herself glaring at him while his favorite word ran through her head) it was them who upheld the conversation. Talking to Chouji was alright. He was polite and witty, his humor a lot like Kankurou's but not quite. He managed to eat amazing amounts with amazing speed while keeping up a conversation.

"It's pretty," Temari answered truthfully. "But in a strange way, at least to me. You'd know what I mean if you visited us in Suna. It's houses and people and places like this and yet it's different. Not regarding the people but regarding the overall feeling, I guess."

"How do you deal with the extreme weather conditions? You must be short on water for long stretches of the year."

"They're not extreme if you know how to handle them. And Suna has its water sources."

"Which you can't reveal." Ino's lips curled up.

"I could tell you but then…"

"You'd have to kill us?" The other woman finished her sentence. They exchanged a smile.

"I guess," Chouji said, thoughtfully. "I'd like to see the desert again."

"You're welcome to visit," Temari replied drily and was answered by a chuckle.

"Perhaps one day."

Ino shrugged and smiled. "By the way, what do you do at home, when you're off duty?"

One had to give the blond Leaf nin credit. Ino knew a conversation only worked when both parties made inquiries, even if she barely disclosed any personal information. As it was, there was enough to talk about. It maneuvered them across a few potentially awkward situations, including one when the Hyuuga heiress and bug and dog boy walked into the restaurant and spotted them. Dog boy made a point of asking her loudly whether she and Shikamaru were actually going out while Hinata smiled in greeting and bug boy nodded wordlessly. They found a table out of sight of Temari and disappeared again. All in all, it could have been worse, and the food was _good_. Chouji left early after dinner, needing to run a few errands for his family. Temari excused herself for a detour to the bathrooms. When she returned, Shikamaru and Ino were conversing in quiet tones.

She did not know why she stopped to watch the two of them. Maybe it was that Shikamaru had barely said a word and now was quietly discussing something, or maybe it was something in Ino's voice.

"…Not the case," she heard him say as she approached. "Naruto already talked to them. They are convinced they did nothing wrong."

Ino laughed. A small, quiet chuckle, different from the polite smile she had shown all evening. "Interpreting standing mission orders that way is a bit far off, but they are essentially right. And they really couldn't get it off for three days?"

"No, I think they still look a bit green, and not only behind the ears…"

Temari stepped up to the table, compelled by her own guilty conscience. Shikamaru glanced up at her and his eyes went soft. "You must be tired."

Some part of her calmed.

They bid Ino good bye in front of the restaurant and walked back to her quarters. The sky was clear and reminded her of Sand but the stars were lined up differently.

"So those are your team mates."

Shikamaru nodded.

"Ino," Temari said, compelled by silence, darkness and a gnawing feeling she couldn't place. "Did the two of you ever hook up?"

He stopped abruptly in the middle of the street, staring at her incredulously. "Ino and me? No! What gave you that idea? We've known each other for ages. We're friends."

At least he hadn't said _just_.

In a burst of something hot and irrational that she quickly identified as jealousy Temari decided she did not want Shikamaru to be more than _just friends_ with Ino.

…

Desert usually meant aridity.

Which, in short, meant: no water. That, again, meant no clouds. The night sky was crystal clear and the moon shone into Temari's room as bright as a candle, only steadier. That night it was merely a thin sickle that nevertheless managed to illuminate the familiar furniture: the desk, the chair, the cupboard, a picture frame, a few scattered items of her yet-to-be-tidied-up travel gear. Moving out of her father's house years ago Temari had taken most of her belongings with her: not because she never wanted to return but because she felt they were a part of her. A few books and scrolls that had belonged to her mother. The colorful pillows and the many weapons that now were distributed throughout the room. Fans, katana, kunai. Not a typical girl's room but Temari's room alright.

Shikamaru had said her room was very much like her: edges and contradictions and life. She had liked the description.

When her mind had nothing to focus on, the memories returned all the stronger.

The first time he had visited Hidden Leaf on a diplomatic mission was the fourth time they had met as a couple – as lovers, whatever. Temari had taken him on a tour through Sand, had shown him her favorite places. In the evening they had sat in her small kitchen, a glass of wine in front of them, and Shikamaru had watched her cook.

"So what did you like best?" Temari inquired and threw him a quick glance over the vegetables she was cutting. He was looking at her, a steady gaze that she answered equally steady. He was like that: his gaze wouldn't change, would forever be the inquiring, strangely intense glance. But there were layers to it she was only barely learning to read. A softness that made her uneasy because she wasn't used to softness, a question that made her bristle inwardly because she didn't like if someone doubted her word. Patience, something she wasn't exactly familiar with, and a certain hardness that spoke of strength and pain and everything they had experienced during their lives up to now. Now, she could see he was considering the question in the same way he considered everything before giving an answer. An answer that, as she knew, would be his own, honest opinion, shaped by everything he knew and thought-over carefully.

"You." Matter-of-fact.

She almost cut herself. "What?"

"Of everything I've seen, I like you best."

Putting down the knife, she crossed the small expanse and stood before him. He now had to look up to face her. There was only a small distance between them but Temari made no move to cross it.

"Why?"

"Because," he said, still thoughtful and considering, "I like the way you are when you are in a place you know well. It is different from the way you are in Leaf."

"Good different or bad different?" She inquired, laying her hands onto the table behind him, encasing him in a loose cage.

"Black and white? I thought we agreed on the fact that nothing's ever simply good or bad."

"Humor me."

"Good different," he said, a small smile stealing itself onto his face. "Your edges are softer against the backdrop of Hidden Sand. You are brighter. You even move differently – more freely, less self-consciously. I like it. I like your colors against the desert."

Suppressing her own smile, she leaned down towards him. "You realize not every woman would take that as a compliment."

Shikamaru frowned. "Not? I thought I'd made myself sufficiently clear-"

She slipped onto his lap, bringing their bodies together until she could feel his heartbeat.

"I'm not every woman."

He chuckled, low in his throat. "That is true." Their kisses started slowly, hypnotic, and heated up until both of them were out of breath. "Temari," Shikamaru whispered.

"What?" Her voice was hoarse now, too, and the way he was planting feathery kisses on her neck didn't aid her concentration.

"The onions will be burnt."

…

Temari liked colors. Her favorite clothes were a dark-blue, knee-length top, black leggings and a sash of the color of the bright sky at dusk. Her skin was toned from the sun, her hair a color Shikamaru had described as wheat-yellow. Suna's colors always were muted. Dusty stone houses, matted, red-and-brown sandstone walls – the colors of the desert were more brown than golden, less green than ochre. Even the sky seemed washed-out on days, the people protecting themselves from the glaring sun with robes and clothes in muted colors. Konoha, in return, was a world of rich shadows: lush-green forests, sky like a painted canvas and red roofs, stone houses with blue and green and red doors and flowers in the pots in front of the windows. How ironic was it that Temari didn't fit into her own peoples' color scheme but in Hidden Leaf barely registered among the rich colors and hues? If only the Leaf people shared the love for colors their surroundings displayed. Since Naruto had discarded his eye-cancer-inducing orange overall the next people who came close to his former clothing standards were Maito Gai and Lee. Maybe it was a Leaf-thing but most people wore dark clothes of inconspicuous hues. Standing next to Shikamaru, Temari had often felt absurdly out of place regarding her choice of clothes. Ino, in contrast, looked like she belonged at his side: her pale skin and almost-silvery hair, her dark Anbu cloak. Ino always seemed like a study of light and shadows while Temari was simply _alive_.

Ino had that way of creeping into her thoughts whenever they turned dark.

There never had been a reason why Temari should have mistrusted Shikamaru. Yes, they did not see each other often, yes, there were long stretches of time between them meeting either in Suna or Konoha. But whenever Temari had been in Leaf and had met Ino she had only needed to look at the woman to know there had been nothing between her and Shikamaru. It wasn't that Ino was that transparent – rather the opposite. The Anbu seemed to have built up a wall between herself and the world and as long as it stood Temari was pretty sure nobody – not even Shikamaru – had been able to draw closer to her. Although he did seem closer to her than the others, but the same went for Chouji. And secondly, and more importantly, Temari had never felt any attraction from Shikamaru towards his childhood friend. Of course he was a man and as such she did worry about him sometimes, especially when the time between their reunions grew longer and longer. But it always seemed to resolve itself: he would visit for a weekend, unexpectedly and unofficially, or they would meet in one of the small border villages between Hi no Kuni and Kaze no Kuni. And while they didn't see each other often, and while they fought – because Temari had a temper and Shikamaru was stubborn as hell – they fit together like two puzzle pieces. Sometimes it felt so normal it scared her.

Maybe that had been the problem. Maybe Temari had just been too afraid to make it work. But what had she been afraid _of_?

They had had five years. Five wonderful years in which Temari had felt cherished, challenged, loved and desired. It had never mattered that Shikamaru was three years and some months younger than her and the better strategist. They had complemented each other in ways she could never have imagined before. And yet there had been stretches of doubt and worry. Not mentioning the distance between their homes – which neither of them was willing to give up – there had been the constant separation, the difficulties of upholding a long-distance-relationship. The loneliness on nights when she'd had a bad day and wanted nothing more than to feel his arms around her. The impossibility of sharing her daily ups and downs with him. _Shikamaru, yesterday the ambassador of Iwa and his entourage visited and were attacked by a flock of desert geese that crossed the street, what a diplomatic incident, can you believe it? Shikamaru, Matsuri was asked out on a date and Gaara didn't talk to her for days. Shikamaru, what are you doing right now? _It felt like writing letters in her head. Letters she never sent.

And Ino. The blonde Anbu was part of Temari's doubts even though she never did anything to cross the desert shinobi. Her jealousy and dislike mostly swelled when she was in Konoha – of course, otherwise she never saw the other woman and Shikamaru rarely spoke of her. But Shikamaru rarely spoke of any of his friends. Ino was _there._ It was a small thing, but it was enough.

_But he loves you_, Hana had argued. _He knew her since they were children and yet he chose you._

Did he ever choose, a voice whispered in her mind. It was the voice that planted doubts like seedlings in her heart and fed, watered and groomed them until they blossomed into full-grown plants. If she wanted to blame someone she could blame the voice but it was her own mind that spoke to her either way. Had Shikamaru consciously chosen Temari or had he just taken her because she had been the first to be there?

The full moon shone into the room where Temari laid sleepless, staring at the ceiling. Six nights ago she had broken up with Shikamaru. It felt like it had happened yesterday and she didn't expect the pain to leave her anytime soon. Had it been the right decision? She couldn't say anymore. She wasn't sure of herself, in the same way she hadn't been sure of Shikamaru and his love for her. Maybe she had thought too much. Maybe she had thought too little and her decision had been too hasty. Maybe she should have waited a bit more, but then she would have been awake, nevertheless, wondering if she had done the right thing.

It was Shikamaru's fault. It was Temari's. It was Ino's – but neither of them had done anything wrong. Shikamaru's mistake had been that he was too far away; Temari's mistake had been that she hadn't been able to love him without regarding the people around them and Ino's mistake was that she loved Shikamaru but never had said anything. Temari was pretty sure about that. Everybody seemed to know – why didn't Shikamaru know? And Shikamaru couldn't change the fact that he loved Leaf and Temari was a Suna nin, Temari couldn't change the fact that she couldn't separate herself from the people around her, and Ino couldn't change the fact that she had simply been _there._ All of this led meant nobody could be blamed and nobody was at fault except perhaps for Temari. She had been the one to end their relationship.

"I love you," she whispered into the darkness. "But I can't see another way." What was she supposed to do? Travel to and fro between Sand and Leaf for the rest of her life, seeing a man she only saw for weeks, loving a person she only knew from short stretches of time? She was a woman, too. She wanted a husband and a home and perhaps even a child. There was nothing like that possible with Shikamaru. They could, of course, both leave their respective homes – but Temari knew leaving Hidden Sand was impossible for her without breaking her heart. She supposed it was the same for Shikamaru.

Nights never had been that long before.


	5. Five

_A/N: I added it to the story description: this fan fiction is written from **Temari's point of view**. It's impossible to classify it any further since it describes past events (Shikamaru/Temari) as well as current ones (them breaking up, if you recall the first chapter). I understand if you think there's too little Ino/Shikamaru interaction but I can only tell about what _Temari_ sees. I __don't blame you if you want to drop out now_. Thanks a lot for your support, reviews and opinions so far. I'm sorry you didn't find what you were looking for. For a pure Shikamaru/Ino story you could check out "Never Change" or other stories of mine. To those who liked this fan fiction so far - I can't tell you how much your reviews mean to me.

* * *

**Chapter Five**

"Your timing is perfect! We're celebrating our engagement this weekend," Hinata said. Temari guessed she was referring to herself and Neji and possibly the rest of the Hyuuga, as well. "Shikamaru is already invited. We'd be delighted if you would join us, as well."

It was Temari's third year as acting envoy and diplomat in Hidden Leaf and by now she knew the village almost as well as she knew Suna. It would never be her home but despite the fact – despite the occasional bouts of home sickness when the sun wouldn't show for weeks and Temari would shiver in the cold of winter or the humidity of monsoon season, despite all the times the soft, alien accent would force her to ask people shame-facedly to repeat themselves, despite the fact that Shikamaru's friends were three or four years younger than her – despite everything she had found a place for herself in the village hidden behind the leaves. And she had found friends, too. Of course, they'd been Shikamaru's friends in the beginning but all of them had accepted her warmly. If Temari would have had to choose she would have said Tenten was the one she got along best with, both of them being older than the other girls, both of them being roughly similar in character and strength. Hinata, Kiba and Shino were friendly enough, Hinata's character displaying kindness for any stranger anyway. Lee made her laugh. As did Naruto, but she respected both of them as the warriors and shinobi they were. Sakura was difficult to place, even after all those years. And Chouji and Ino – well, they were Shikamaru's best friends. And while Temari was pretty sure both of them liked her and had accepted her readily, a sliver of doubt remained. She was a stranger, invading a group of friends that had existed from childhood on. She probably would have felt like that towards anyone who would join her group of friends in Suna.

Temari looked up and saw Hinata still waiting for her reply. "I would be happy to attend! Thank you very much."

Hinata smiled. "We'll see you, then." She had come a long way from the cripplingly shy girl Temari had watched fighting in the chuunin trials. Along with her confidence, her beauty seemed to have increased, as well. Where Temari was tall and muscular, Hinata was petite and incredibly delicate. Temari had seen her fight, though, and was unwilling to ever come between the Hyuuga heiress and her enemies.

When she told him she had been officially invited as well, Shikamaru only grumbled. She couldn't make out whether it was his usual _troublesome_ or something else entirely.

The gardens of the Hyuuga compound were lit with hundreds of softly glowing lanterns. A long buffet offered a wide selection. When Temari and Shikamaru arrived a few people were already sampling the courses, Chouji among them.

"Temari, Shikamaru!" Hinata greeted them, surrounded by the usual group of what Temari had learned had been dubbed Konoha Twelve. Neji stood next to her, his black hakama and white haori a stark contrast. He didn't smile, but he seemed… content. For Temari, who only knew him as one of the jounin that guarded the Hokage, it was impossible to judge. But the hate she had seen in his eyes the first time she had met him seemed to have vanished completely. Neji had survived the war just barely, she knew, and was glad for Hinata he had. How the Hyuuga heiress felt for her fiancé was easily read from her glowing face. Sakura looked very pretty in her emerald dress. Temari could imagine Naruto must have liked it a great deal since it brought out her figure and the way his eyes swept back to her again and again spoke volumes. Sasuke trailed in their wake, dressed all in black, his ridiculously attractive face set in a scowl – which, judging from the way a few of Hinata's female cousins giggled and whispered behind his back, didn't diminish his good looks one bit. Tenten was all in shades of blue, her long, auburn hair falling down her back openly for once. Lee had, thankfully, exchanged his jumpsuit for something more formal that night and Kiba and Shino had also dressed appropriately, according to the event. The men were standing a bit to the side, discussing away happily, and it seemed like Neji itched to join them while Naruto was satisfied with just standing next to Sakura. Ino almost was lost in the play of shadows and light in an inconspicuous, black-and-white dress with cap sleeves. But Hinata – Hinata was the most beautiful of all. Her dress – not the traditional kimono Temari would have expected, which told her something about Hinata's future plans for the clan – was silver and contrasted starkly with her dark hair, and her smile was wide enough to encompass the world. Neji must be a very happy man.

"Hey," she greeted the others. Shikamaru nodded wordlessly.

"That's a beautiful dress you have," Tenten complimented Temari, who had chosen a wine-red, strap-less dress whose soft material clung to her in all the right places. It made her feel beautiful. "Anyway, Sakura was telling us about the tsunami that occurred on the southern coastline of Ho no Kuni a few days ago. The local daimyo refuses to accept any help but conditions of life are very bad..."

Sakura nodded. "Their water supplies are running low and many people lost their homes." Her brow was furrowed. "If the shelters are overcrowded…" She glanced at Naruto, who opened his mouth-

Temari shot him a reprimanding look. "You know religion, money and politics shouldn't be discussed on parties like this."

"Sorry, Hinata," Naruto, Tenten and Sakura apologized. Soon enough, their conversation turned towards happier topics. Naruto and Neji silently slipped away, Neji with one glance at Hinata, Naruto with a touch of Sakura's wrist. Shikamaru remained by her side a bit longer and Temari fell into the conversation easily, talking, joking and laughing with the others. It took her some time to realize that Ino wasn't part of it, and then a few seconds to see that that was because Ino was talking to Shikamaru.

"…We can't just go in and force our help on them," she heard him say. "Diplomatic relations…"

"Screw diplomacy," Ino answered sharply. "People are dying there."

So much for the _no-politics-_rule_. _They stood a bit to the side, Shikamaru's face hidden in the shadows while a nearby lantern brought out Ino's features mercilessly. Years had carved out her features, sharpened her expression. Sometimes she seemed like an entirely different person to Temari. Not that she should have known the difference. From the beginning, Ino and Temari had had little in common. Which was strange, because Temari felt that in another life they could have been good friends. Nevertheless, there was civility and perhaps even warmth between them. Temari turned her head a fraction to see them better and she caught it: something akin to a flicker of warmth dancing over the features of the otherwise withdrawn woman. An alien expression on Ino's face, one Temari had observed earlier but only now connected with Shikamaru solidly. There was something in the way Ino seemed much more… _real_… when she talked to Shikamaru. As if there was a veil between the woman and the world that only lifted when he was there. A strangeness on her face when she talked to Shikamaru: there was something hidden behind those blue eyes and only one person could access it.

"We're doing everything we can," Shikamaru said. Ino's answer was lost in a soft cloud of music that drifted by on the wind. Temari just saw her lips move. _I know you do._

She tapped Shikamaru's arm.

"I think Chouji has been trying to get your attention for a few minutes, now."

Ino laughed, everything alien gone without a trace. Just a woman, smiling, with striking blue eyes and silvery-blond, shoulder-length and open hair, wakefulness clear in every single movement. "Yeah, he has good news. I bet he's afraid I will tell you but he fears the fact that someone might eat the crab salad while he is gone even more." The ribbing did not contain any acid.

"I'll see you later," Shikamaru said to Temari, his arm around her waist tightening fractionally and falling away as he slipped away.

More and more, Temari got the feeling that things with Ino and Shikamaru weren't as simple as Shikamaru always insisted they were. He had known the blonde Anbu for years; they had been childhood friends. So if Ino felt any animosity towards Temari for being added into their lives she couldn't resent the Leaf shinobi for that. On the other hand Ino was friendly, even open towards her. And yet, something stood between them she couldn't define. Shikamaru? Or was it Temari's own suspicion that created a wall? Perhaps she was imagining things.

"Ino doesn't like me, right?" Temari asked when said person had slipped away for a chat with Neji and what seemed to be Anbu colleagues on the other side of the gardens. The remaining women looked at her, surprise evident in all their faces. Something in Hinata's silver eyes flickered while Tenten grimaced. Sakura, surprisingly, smiled.

"You have to understand," she said. "Ino and Shikamaru have known each other for twenty years."

"I don't think there is anything to understand, frankly," Tenten offered. "There is nothing we could do to put ourselves in another person's place. And we all know how we feel about our team mates. I would die for mine."

Temari laughed but even to her ears it sounded weak. "You mean nobody can understand Ino, or is it just that _I_ cannot understand her?"

"The latter." Tenten's grin blossomed and died as quickly as it had come. "Don't misunderstand. We all like you, Temari, even Ino. It is not that you can't understand her, it is that we have known her longer than you."

"Your loyalty is with her, I know." Temari sighed. "But I don't understand. Is she in love with him? And if, why has she never said anything? Does Shikamaru know?"

Another glance passed between the others. This time, Hinata picked up. "She cares for him. That much we know, but nothing more. Maybe she loves him as a friend, maybe as more. She never told us anything. We can just guess."

"If I hadn't showed up, do you think they would have gotten together eventually?"

"We have no way of knowing that," Tenten said softly.

"You're angry with me for getting between them, aren't you. Why with me, then, and not with Shikamaru?"

"We aren't angry with you, we're happy for you." Hinata's voice was gentle as always, almost drowned by the soft music. "Shikamaru is happy and you are, too. You shouldn't let anything destroy that."

"But Ino…"

"Ino shouldn't be your concern." The dark-haired girl's voice was vehement. Suddenly Temari saw what people saw when they said the Hyuuga heiress was _strong_. "Just… Give her some time, okay?"

"It has been three years already," Temari sighed.

"What are you talking about?" Ino's voice startled them all. The surprise was clear in Sakura's and Tenten's faces until their masks, too, slipped back and concealed it.

Hinata, once again, was the one who found the right words. "It has been three years since Temari came to Konoha for the first time as official envoy," she said. "Can you believe how much time has passed already?"

"I feel so old," Tenten complained. All of them laughed.

"You're so scary since you joined Anbu, Ino," Sakura joked and Temari could hear the edge of sadness in her voice.

"Why? Because I sneak up on you? I used to do so all the time, don't you remember?" And Ino launched into an account of their childhood that made them all laugh. Temari watched Ino from the corner of her eyes. The woman's hair was almost silver in the light of the summer moon, her eyes bright. Beneath the surface that carried a smile, her face was unreadable.

"Let's go home," Shikamaru said behind her right shoulder and she almost jumped. How much time had passed? Somewhere in between they had plundered the buffet, much to Chouji's chagrin, and the warmth she felt indicated at more than one glass of champagne.

"It's not that late," Sakura protested. "You can't leave already!"

Shikamaru shrugged, casting an apologetic glance at Temari. "If you like to you can stay longer but I have to be up early tomorrow. You have your keys, right?"

"No, I'm coming with you," Temari said, making a split-second decision. "Thank you for the invitation, Hinata, it was lovely. I'll be in Hidden Leaf for a few days more. I'll hope we'll see each other before I leave again."

"We will," Sakura said. "We're having a Girls' Night on Thursday. You're welcome to join us."

Temari couldn't help the involuntary glance she threw in Ino's direction but the blonde woman didn't seem surprised or angry. Or _anything_.

"Yes, why not?" She said instead, catching Temari's glance. "We're meeting at Tenten's house this time. Bring something to drink or eat and a movie of your choice. Anything is better than watching Sakura's reruns of Titanic, Notting Hill and Love, Actually."

"Hey!" Sakura protested. "You love Love, Actually."

"Yes I do," Ino shot back. "But it is the only one. Something different would be nice."

"I can raid Shikamaru's stash," Temari said, "But I doubt you'd like to see Mission Impossible or such."

"Why not? The male lead is cute." Tenten grinned and winked at Temari. "Oh, and remember that guy in Robin Hood and Gladiator and…"

"Troublesome," Shikamaru muttered.

"Great." Temari threw him a look – halfway amusement, halfway menace – and then exchanged glances with the other women who all wore the same expression: _men._ She smiled. "I'll see you then?"

"Sure," Sakura said and the others chimed in. "Bye, Shikamaru."

Shikamaru nodded at them, too, and turned to leave. Temari quickened her pace to catch up to him and felt him slip his arm around her waist again almost possessively. He had touched her in public quite a lot today, she realized. For the man who usually wouldn't even kiss her in public it had been quite an achievement.

"Thank God it's over," Shikamaru sighed as they left the Hyuuga compound.

"Why?" It was unfamiliar, walking and navigating in high heels, and Temari found she had to watch the street for stones and other obstacles. Shikamaru was a steady figure and she held on to him, both because he was warm and familiar and because she enjoyed the sensation of his arm around her. The summer night's air was warm and heavy with the scent of firs and trees. "Those people _are _your friends, aren't they?"

"Of course. It's just…" Shikamaru looked down at her and tightened his grip around her waist.

"What?" She answered his gaze challengingly.

"That dress," he only said and Temari's brows rose to the tips of her hair. "Nara Shikamaru, are you complimenting me on my dress?"

"Not exactly," he said, a grin tugging at his lips. It was one of those grins that made her knees go weak. They had plenty of quiet evenings together, staying in, watching movies, having dinner together. She loved spending time with him. But it was those nights, when he looked at her like that, that she knew this was more than simple comfort and also more than simple attraction.

"Actually," Shikamaru continued, watching her lips parting in breathless anticipation with dark eyes, "I was wondering how long it would take to _undress_ you again."


	6. Six

**Chapter Six**

Gaara handed it to her ninth morning after her return from Hidden Leaf. The scroll was tiny, as all the messages sent by falcons were. Temari's hand started to shake when she recognized the small, staccato-like handwriting on the thin parchment.

She looked up to find Gaara watching her with determined eyes. "It's for me."

"I know."

Temari cleared her throat. "It is personal."

"I'm not leaving."

For a second she debated turning around and leaving the room herself. _Don't be ridiculous_, she told herself firmly and shrugged. "Whatever you want."

Shikamaru's handwriting was very much like himself. His words were so even more. She could almost hear him read out the tiny words on the parchment before her. Temari stared at the paper as the letters blurred in front of her eyes. _Bastard. Idiot. Asshole._ She closed her eyes and ran through a dozen of other rude names she had picked up in various places and continents. When she looked again, the words hadn't changed. That was Shikamaru for you: always honest.

…

Fall had turned out to be her favorite season in Hidden Leaf.

The trees slowly turned from green to gold and red, vibrant, living colors. The sun was warm but nights were cool, resembling desert climate though not as extreme; clear, starry skies and occasional bleeding moons.

"Sorry," Shikamaru had told her earlier. "I still have to complete a few request files. Go home already, will you?"

Temari had liked the way he had said _home_ and meant it, and therefore had decided to prepare a small dinner for the two of them. Walking back, she was once again torn between the fact that she would be going back to Suna in a week – and was looking forward to it – and that their time together was cut short by that fact. Humming to herself softly, her hands in her pockets, she was looking into the sky when suddenly a chill ran down her spine. Poised, she gripped the small fan she usually carried with her instead of her larger one when inside a village with both hands, ready to attack. The figure that slowly crystallized from the shadows did so with an almost inaudible rustling of cloth and only then Temari recognized two things: that the person was a Konoha Anbu, and that he was injured.

"Are you alright?" Temari dropped her hands from her fan and squinted into the darkness that seemed to coalesce around the figure. The shadow took another unsteady step and supported itself by leaning against the next wall.

"I'll be fine." His voice was a toneless whisper that spoke of the strain he had to be under in order to hold himself upright.

"You're injured," Temari asked. "How bad is it?" Without asking for permission she stepped into his personal space, wrapped an arm around the Anbu's waist and led him a few steps into a spot of light a lantern cast over the otherwise darkened street. The shadow morphed into a person, clad in the dark, non-descript Anbu cloak. The light hit the porcelain mask and lit it up in an eerie glow, red, bloody lines on white. The man shook his head slowly, his voice not rising above its initial whisper. Either speaking hurt or he was trying not to wake the people living in the street. Temari strongly suspected the first.

"It's okay."

"It's not. You need to go to the hospital." Temari's arm was still around the Anbu's waist. It was a thin waist, she suddenly realized, despite body armor and cloak. The Anbu's figure was too small to be the one of an average man. Temari took another look at the mask. It was neither a bird nor a dragon, so she ruled out two people, but of course there still were enough other Anbu she didn't know- "Ino?"

The Anbu breathed a sigh. "Yeah."

"I'm taking you to the hospital."

"No." Despite her obvious pain, Ino's hand clamped around Temari's arm vice-like. "Just take me home. I'll be fine. I ran through the basic medic training, I can stop the bleeding. Please," she added, like an afterthought.

Temari couldn't say what made her cave. Every ounce of reason demanded that she take the woman to the hospital and see her checked in – and yet she sighed in exasperation, slipped her arm back around Ino's waist and tried to support most of the woman's weight by herself. Thankfully, Ino's small apartment wasn't far and nobody crossed their path. Temari opened the door and helped her to the bathroom where Ino sank down on the edge of the tub while Temari went to close the door. When she returned, Ino had stripped off the mask, her cloak and her chest armor, revealing a deep gash in her side. She already was holding a kunai.

"I'll do it," Temari said and took the knife from Ino's hands to cut away the material of her shirt. "What happened?"

"A shuriken," Ino said tonelessly and closed her eyes. "You'll have to pull it out."

"For the love of-!" Temari cursed. "Towels?"

"In the cabinet over there."

Temari stood and returned with a few clean towels and a bowl which she filled with warm water. "This is going to hurt. But you know that."

Ino's eyes were still closed. The only indication for her pain seemed to be her hands: they were curled up into tight fists at either side of her, resting on the tub edge. Her knuckles were white under the strain. Temari went to work.

Temari was no medic but as every shinobi she had been trained in basic field first aid. As quickly and gently as possible, she retrieved the foreign object from the wound, washed it and then used disinfectant and gauze to cover the injury. From the blue glow around the edges of torn skin she could see that Ino was using chakra to slow the bleeding and was glad. The last thing she needed was blood all over her, and Shikamaru to see her like that.

"Please tell me you refused to go to the hospital because you have it under control," she said wearily, not sure whether she was supposed to feel awe or anger. "You should let it get checked out by medics anyway, just in case."

"Yes to your question, and yes to your suggestion," Ino said and Temari was instantly reminded that she was talking to a woman. Ino possessed common sense, after all. "I'll have Sakura look at it tomorrow. I just didn't want to go there today." In the bright light of her bathroom she looked tired; her usually blue eyes an exhausted grey. "Thanks for helping me. Could I ask one last thing of you?"

Temari nodded, suddenly worried again. In her functional, black bra, her hair in disarray and deep rings underneath her eyes, Ino looked like a ghost. Still, there was a tiny smile on her face which told Temari the other woman was truly thankful. "Shoot."

"Tell Shikamaru I'm back and I'll report first thing tomorrow."

"Make it the second thing," Temari replied. "Go to the hospital first."

"Fine." Ino stood up from the tub edge gingerly and flinched in pain. "Damn."

"Do it right, if you have to do it," Temari told her and felt a grin spread over her face. "Say _Fuck_, or whatever."

"Don't make me laugh," Ino whispered and started to move back into the spacious room that seemed to serve as both living room, office and bedroom. "I apologize for not accompanying you to the door but I'm currently not at my best."

"Can I do anything else?" Temari felt she had to ask. She bit her lip. Thankfully, Ino shook her head. "I just need to sleep." She sat down on the bed carefully. "Thanks, Temari."

The blonde Sand nin nodded one last time and backed out of Ino's apartment.

Shikamaru was already waiting for her. He had prepared a small dinner, which made her instantly feel guilty about not having been there earlier.

"I ran into Ino," Temari told him. "She says she will report in first thing tomorrow." She turned around just in time to see Shikamaru frown one of his _something's-not-right-here-_frowns.

"Why didn't she report in immediately? I was in the office, she knew that."

"Maybe she was too tired," Temari offered and was rewarded a queer glance and another frown.

"Ino? Even if she'd been tired-"

"Fine," she interrupted him, her short, already strained thread of patience snapping rather abruptly. "She was injured. I saw to it and told her to have it checked out first thing tomorrow. She said she'd report in immediately after."

Shikamaru's frown increased. "How bad was it?"

"A shuriken in her side, just below the armor. She stopped the bleeding, I dressed the wound. She went to bed immediately. She looked like she hadn't slept in sixty-two hours."

"Or something like that," Shikamaru mumbled, his forehead still creased in worry. "She shouldn't have-" He interrupted himself. "Never mind."

"Classified information?" Temari tried to joke. It came out all wrong.

"Let's have dinner," Shikamaru said and turned away from her.

Sometimes Temari wished she could read minds. It would have told her what Ino thought, and Shikamaru. Whether her intuition was right and the blonde Anbu really loved him and whether he really saw nothing more than a friend in her. It would have helped her past the nights when she could feel the one presence that did not belong into their shared room at night.

The ghost in their bedroom was blonde.

Not blonde like Temari, all sun-bleached, sun-tanned and warm. The ghost was silvery-blonde, thin and very much substantial but never said a word. Perhaps that was the reason why Shikamaru never noticed it. Nevertheless it was undeniably there, right beside them, and Temari got to the point in which she could feel it staring at her, night after night. She felt jealous, sometimes, that Ino was able to elicit a reaction from Shikamaru when nobody else could, not even Temari herself. On the other hand she knew that Shikamaru loved her, so she felt almost sorry for the other woman. Pity was a terrible thing. Ino was a good shinobi and a loyal friend. Years of spending a few weeks of her time in Hidden Leaf and a few days of that designated time with Shikamaru's friends and family had taught her that. And still the veil hadn't lifted but nobody ever noticed. It seemed to Temari that there was an image everyone had created of Ino in his mind, so nobody tried to dig deeper. If Shikamaru really thought he had her figured out completely – was it even possible to know a person inside out, every secret, every flaw? She was inclined to think that such sort of thing was rather impossible. Shikamaru didn't know everything about Temari, and she didn't know everything about him. Why did he think there was nothing that could surprise him about Ino? Did he think the same way about Temari? She didn't want to think about that.

She brought the topic up once and never again. Shikamaru didn't understand her. Strange how he could be so perceptive in some and so clearly blind in other situations. And Temari didn't really want to go there again. Maybe Shikamaru and Ino weren't the only ones practicing denial.

…

Temari left the letter on Gaara's desk, crumbled into a tiny ball of paper. She didn't care whether her brothers read it or not. She suspected, though, that they would: she didn't blame them. In their place she would have done the same. Sometimes the need to watch over a loved one trumped the need for privacy. Besides, there wasn't much written on the morsel of parchment. Shikamaru wasn't a person to use many words, neither spoken nor written. He also wasn't a person to lie to make another person feel better, or to dance around an issue. He was predictable, that way, which made him unpredictable.

_I chose you, _the letter said.

Nothing else.


	7. Seven

_A/N: This will be a tough chapter for everyone who can't stand Temari. In that case, I recommend reading at least the last paragraph as this one is rather important._

_Also, many thanks to laughingstick. You found all the things I hid, hoping they could be found. I loved your review._

**Chapter Seven**

It wasn't that Hidden Sand had had fewer genin teams than Hidden Leaf that had made Gaara, Temari and Kankurou form up into one team despite their age differences. There had been many factors, instead, that had led to them training under one sensei: their family background, for once. Gaara's position as bearer of Shukaku and perhaps also the fact that, at that time already, Orochimaru had begun to pull strings behind the scenes and the Kazekage's back which had ultimately led to him killing Temari's father. Most likely it had been all those reasons, too, and a few more, that had always set the siblings aside from the other genin teams. In hindsight it would have been difficult for them to decide which generation of genin they would have wanted to associate with more: the ones of Kankurou's age, of Temari's, or even the ones from Gaara's Academy days. Not that anyone wanted anything to do with them as soon as Gaara had been assigned to their team, of course. It resulted in them being set apart from the rest of their generation's genin for great parts of their childhood, with them belonging into neither group or generation. And for long stretches of her life that had been alright with Temari.

But talking to Kankurou wasn't the same as talking to someone she actually didn't consider her friend because he happened to be her bother.

After the chuunin trials – after Gaara had rid himself of his mantle of hate, after Temari and Kankurou realized they weren't only at his side because they were to make sure he didn't accidentally (or not so much) kill someone, after Naruto happened, actually – the village changed. And people changed, too, and Temari found herself in her home but it suddenly felt like far _more_. It felt like she should be able to contribute, to mold and change and help to change. The sense of purpose each single Suna nin suddenly seemed to feel either came from Gaara or was the result of their determination to not let something like Orochimaru happen again. It was during that time – Kankurou and Temari were at Gaara's side almost every day, helping him with paperwork, backing him up when he faced the Council while simultaneously trying to teach themselves the necessary knowledge to stand behind the Kazekage – that she found friends outside her family, and she never regretted it.

"You're late!" Mika and Hana chorused. Temari rounded the corner between kitchen and living-room in time to see Sarai burst in through the door, slightly out of breath. She'd been running for quite some time, then.

"Sorry," the tall woman panted and took a few deep, calming breaths. "I had to run a last errand for the restaurant. But I brought something!"

Triumphant, she unearthed a few take-out boxes from her bag. Matsuri grabbed one and glanced inside. "Oh, I love these!"

"Temari," Sarai said, dropping her bag to the floor and coming over to hug her. "It's good to have you back! I'm sorry I couldn't see you earlier. Did you survive the leaf sticks?"

"It's not nice to call them that," Matsuri protested while Temari merely laughed and returned the hug.

"They call us sand eaters, you know."

Sarai loosened the hug but instead held Temari at arm's length and regarded her critically. Her watchful gaze immediately focused on the rings under Temari's eyes and the strain in her smile and her eyes shrunk to slits. But she didn't say anything. _Yet_, Temari had to remind herself. Sarai surely would interrogate her later. For now, she was glad her best friend dropped the topic.

Sarai was loud and obnoxious, a little bit like Temari. More often than not people underestimated her ability of observation. She was the first friend Temari had ever had, walking up on her one day after a meeting, just beginning to talk, and she hadn't really stopped since then. Later, Mika and Hanatsuki joined their small circle, two girls like fire and ice. There were few things they had in common and yet they seemed to belong with each other in a way that was almost scary, twins in everything but DNA. They were Temari's most treasured friends, especially since she had realized that she tended to get along far better with men than with women. The last one to complete their circle, a few years later and as a quite direct result of Gaara's capture and reinstatement as Kazekage, was Matsuri. Temari wasn't sure whether it was that the girl hadn't had many friends before or that she just didn't mind being around shinobi that were marginally older than she was. Knowing Matsuri, it probably was neither. The girl was shy and sometimes too introverted but once out of her shell she had become an integral part of their group. And she seldom had her own agenda. If Temari would have to name someone who was completely loyal to a fault she'd pick Matsuri – right along with Naruto, that idiot, and her brothers.

She had a short respite from her best friend's inquisition until after the movie.

"So," Sarai asked, leaning back casually into the mountain of pillows they had created on the ground. "How is it going with Shadow Boy?" From the looks Hana, Matsuri and Mika gave her, Temari knew they at least knew part of the story. It made her wonder. How much did they know, and who had told them? Or was she that transparent?

"Why?" She asked, finally.

"You're unhappy, Temari," Hana said softly. "We can see it."

Transparent after all. She didn't like to be predictable. "It's over," she said and this time her voice remained steady. "I broke up with Shikamaru."

"Thought something like that," Mika grumbled. "Why?" Matsuri asked, her eyes wide, while Sarai sighed and Hana just glanced at her with sympathetic eyes.

"I don't know." It was the first time Temari said it out loud. She shrugged and felt tears burn behind her eyes. The first time to cry, then, too? Angrily, she bit her lips. "We were fine. But we only saw each other during holidays, on missions or at the weekend. We talked about the future so much but we always knew there would be the problem of one of us leaving his home town. And Shikamaru wouldn't leave Leaf and I wouldn't leave Gaara and Sand, so we just kept pushing the problem aside. We kept pushing and pushing until I was going to explode and I told him I couldn't stand it any longer and left. And now I'm wondering whether I did the right thing or not although I know it was the logical thing to do but…" She bit her lips, again, her vision blurring and her chest aching from the effort of holding back her tears.

"I miss him." She choked on the last words.

Matsuri scooted closer and wrapped an arm around Temari's shoulders. "Ssshh," she whispered. "It will be fine."

"You sure?" Temari glanced up and tried a smile that failed spectacularly. "Because it doesn't feel like that."

"And it won't, not for a long time," Hana confirmed. "We know you're not the one to make hasty decisions when it comes to important things, Temari. If this is what you think you need to do, then it is the right thing."

"Did you talk to him?" Mika asked, frowning. "Because maybe he would have left Konoha, maybe there could have been a solution-"

"I talked to him," Temari smiled watery, "But you know him."

"Bastard!" The word broke out of Sarai like an arrow from a crossbow. "How dare he – I bet it was because of that bitch you told us about, Temari, _just friends_ my _ass_-"

"She had nothing to do with it," Temari said. "Or, at least, she wasn't the main reason. She never made a move on Shikamaru and I doubt he was ever tempted. It was just that… I don't know." She sighed, trying to lessen the pain in her chest and finding it impossible. "It just was over. There was no future for us, not like that."

"But you still love him," Mika queried and it sounded more like a fact that a question. "Do you?"

Temari chose not to answer.

"Somehow I feel sorry for him," Sarai mused. "He seemed pretty into you. And you've kept up a long-distance relationship up for almost five years, right?"

"_Sorry for him_?" Matsuri echoed, disbelieving. "Because he got dumped? I hope you feel sorry for Temari, too, because dumping someone isn't all flowers and get-over-it-quickly, either!"

"Of course not." Sarai looked sorry. "But he must feel pretty down, too."

_Pretty down._ Temari felt like shit. She suspected Shikamaru felt the same. The fact that they had no future didn't mean they hadn't had a great time together. She drew up her knees to her chin and put her head on them. Matsuri, Mika, Hana and Sarai got the message and left her to herself, discussing quietly, until Mika went to fetch a bottle of mescal and five shot glasses and the evening went down in a haze of voices and alcohol. It was the first time in her life Temari got fully and hopelessly drunk.

…

Her fifth summer in Hidden Leaf was dry and warm, like the ones she has experienced before. It was the closest thing to Sand's weather there was in the village Temari had somehow come to look at as her second home. The sun was warm on her skin and for the first time in her life she wished it had rained. Rain, storm, snow, whatever, not the beauty of the summer forest and the warmth of the sun to go with the memory of the words she said.

She had picked the worst time and place, she realized later.

The blue sky was endless, small clouds sprinkled over it like powder sugar. They were lying on the ground, their shoulders touching. Shikamaru was looking into the sky and Temari had been thinking. After some time she sat up and looked at him: he was handsome, in a way: defined lines, dark eyes and dark hair. Differently to lovers that saw each other day by day she had watched him change over the years – tiny, fractional changes in his eyes and around his lips. She knew some of these changes were due to her and she loved him for it. Shikamaru didn't react although he had to know she was looking at him until she opened her mouth and closed it again.

"What is it?" His voice sounded half-amused, half-questioning, and something sparked in his eyes. It was the love he felt for her that she could see – and the knowledge that some things just didn't last forever – that made her choke on the words. But she knew if she wouldn't say them then she never would, and they would fall apart.

"You _what_?" Shikamaru suddenly shot up from the ground. He balanced on his elbows, staring at her as if he had seen a ghost. Temari suspected she did not look better.

There was no way to say this nicely. "I'm breaking up with you."


	8. Eight

_A/N: Second and last part of the transition chapters._

**Chapter Eight**

No _We need to talk_, no foreplay. No fancy dinner. Just their usual Sunday, her and Shikamaru sitting on their usual spot on their usual hill. A bird sang, somewhere in the surrounding forest. The world continued to turn while Temari's shattered into tiny pieces.

For a long while, they were silent.

"Are you messing with me?" Shikamaru finally demanded. His hands were gripping the soil beneath him tightly, fingers curling into warm grass and earth. "Because I don't think this is funny."

Temari suppressed the desperate urge to laugh and tell him it had been a joke. Pushing through her hysteria she continued on, knowing she'd fail if she just stopped to think for even a second. And she had thought this through already, she'd done nothing but thinking for the past months. At least, it felt that way. She always came to the same conclusion: it was the only way.

"There is no future for us." Each word felt like barbed wire in her throat. "You can't leave here, I can't leave Suna. We only see each other for short periods. It can't continue on that way. One day you'll want a woman who is there at home when you come back, and I want a husband who is there to put our children to bed at night. I can't be that woman for you and you can't be that man for me, so let's stop it here as long as we still have good memories of our time. It is better that way."

"_Better_?" Shikamaru repeated, incredulity lacing his face, his gestures and his words. She had rarely seen that amount of emotions on his face – it almost scared her. "Are you kidding me? Did I do something wrong? Why are you saying this now? Aren't we fine?" His eyes filled with terror. "_What happened, Temari?"_

"Nothing." She blinked and looked the other direction. "I've been thinking this over. I don't see another way. You won't, either, once you thought it over yourself."

"How long has this been going on? Why haven't you ever talked to me about this? Temari, I know our relationship isn't perfect but that's no reason to break it off! We could work something out-"

"And how? And what?" She interrupted him, unable to sit down any longer. She gazed down at him, now standing, and found all her own feelings mirrored in his eyes. "Maybe there is a way. Maybe we could make this work out for two more years, or even three. But _I cannot do this_, Shikamaru. I cannot live in between bits and moments, always waiting for the next mission to Leaf, or for you being sent to Sand. I can't wait for those short weeks that are perfect and then go back to the place I love _that seems empty because the person I love is not there and never will be!"_ It broke from her like a river that had been freed from the dam that had been holding it back for far too long. Turning from him, she clenched her eyes shut and took a deep breath, trying to calm herself. When she thought she could control her voice again, she turned back to him. Shikamaru was still gazing at her with such disbelief and hurt her heart broke all over again.

"This is my final decision," she said, finally. "But I can understand if you want to talk it out."

Shikamaru looked at her. Temari looked back: this was the man she had spent the last five year with. The man she had loved, had laughed and argued with, the man who had taken her to places she'd always wanted to see. The man who had brought her flowers – _just this once, I promise_ – when he knew she didn't really like them because they reminded her of how short and fragile life was. The man who had showed her his world and had made her fall in love with it even more. One of the few people who could make her burst into fits of laughter at the wrong time just because she remembered something he had said or done on a different day. The man who had driven her crazy because he'd spoken so little, because he would use the hard side of the sponge to clean her sensitive pans, who would forget to take out the trash and be late for dinner because he just had to finish the papers he was going over before calling it a night. Temari had lived with Shikamaru for five years and looking back she could not recall a time when she had wished she'd never had met him.

Shikamaru sized her up slowly. "You have thought about this." She nodded. "You wouldn't do this if you weren't completely sure it was necessary." Again, she nodded. Her nails dug into her hands painfully but the pain did not distract her from the emptiness that was filling her more and more with every word he was uttering. "You really want to go through with this. Is there anything I can say to make you reconsider?" This time, she shook her head, her eyes closed to fight the tears. _Stop that, _she told herself furiously. _Don't cry. Don't cry. _

It was the way Shikamaru would access every problem, she knew, the way he was doing now: looking at it from every angle, testing every possible way to solve it, building his own opinion. She couldn't even feel hurt at the fact that he was analyzing their five years of relationship that way: it was what she loved in him, after all.

"Temari," he said and she opened her eyes. "I love you. But it doesn't change anything, does it?"

As usual, he had come to the only possible conclusion. Temari didn't know whether to hate him or to love him for the fact that he didn't fight harder. _Didn't fight for her. _Of course, he had gotten it right: she would have left anyway. It made it easier and more difficult at the same time.

…

"There's a storm coming."

Temari looked up from the scroll she had been reading – or, at least, staring at for the past hour – and found herself eye to eye with her elder brother. Over their heads, the streamer that indicated the wind speed was hanging down limply, not even moving the slightest bit. The sun seemed washed-out and there was no sign of any animals – neither birds nor cats – to be seen anywhere. A dog barked in the distance, a lost, almost desperate sound. Temari, born and raised in the desert, knew the signs as well as anyone else in her family did.

Kankurou wasn't wearing the purple markings today, either. She wondered why he had started to go without them – did it have any deeper meaning?

"I know," she said instead. "The meteorologists have been giving out a class nine warning. Sounds like it will be rough."

"We should probably secure the falcon's habitats."

"Definitely. Talk to Yuzuriha, she's the acting head falconer."

"I know." Kankurou rolled his eyes dramatically. "No need to lecture me."

"I'm not!" Temari said, bristling. "It's just information! If you feel lectured you should wonder whether-"

"I get it, I get it. Sorry I mentioned it." Kankurou's usually argument-loving character was quite capable of agreeing complacently – and apologizing – when he thought it necessary. For a second Temari stared at her brother and tried to recall the times when he had been the arrogant, over-confident boy who had always thrown himself into a brawl head-first the last time and drew a blank. It seemed like Kankurou, too, had changed. Hadn't she noticed it, engrossed in her own world, or had she taken it for granted?

"What?" He asked and there was a hint of his old impatience in his voice. "You're staring, Temari. I already apologized."

"I know," she said. "It's just… When did you grow up?"

Kankurou frowned, looking down at her. "You know I am fifteen months and seven days older than you, don't you?"

Temari stifled a giggle. Now he sounded exactly like himself again. "Yeah, but boys grow up later than girls, everyone knows that."

"Ahhh," he sighed. "That again. _Men_."

She hadn't wanted to breach the topic, actually, but with Kankurou vocalizing the one word in that way everything came rushing back. She managed a weak laugh.

"Yeah. Men."

He sobered up immediately. "Sorry, Temari. I shouldn't have mentioned it."

"Stop apologizing, idiot, otherwise I'll take it you're making fun of me."

She turned away from the village, faced the desert and tried to bring back her composure. It had been two months since her break-up and it still hurt to think of Shikamaru. But sometimes she found herself going an entire day without thinking of him, sometimes even a few more days, and it gave her hope. Of course, there always were the days when everything seemed to remind her of him, days when she wanted to bury herself in her room and not come out – ever. On those days Kankurou bribed her with food, or Gaara needed her help with a certain, special problem. And even knowing her siblings were manipulating her Temari didn't mind. At least not too much.

"So what now?" Kankurou asked her back some time later.

Temari shrugged and spun around. "I guess there won't be the usual evening sparring round outside today. How boring. I could catch up on some reading, I guess…"

"Hey." Her brother grabbed her arm. "Temari, let's have a movie night."

She stopped to glance at him, suspicious. Her brother being nice usually meant there was something… "What do you want from me?"

"Nothing." Kankurou grinned at her, the smile she knew so well, his eyes sparkling. "We haven't done anything like that since… I don't know. Let's have some family time."

"Oh yeah?" She crossed her arms. "The last time Gaara let the pizza burn – I beg you, who is able to burn perfectly simple pizza? – and you and I argued over the movie we wanted to watch and then Gaara was pissed off and refused to stay and you broke my table."

"You broke down my door," he reminded her. "One hell of suppressed violent tendencies, sis."

"Never mind." She waved this aside impatiently. "I'm just saying. We can hardly agree on anything, aside from politics, you really want to go ahead and try this another time?"

"Why not? As a token of my good will, I'll let you choose the movie. As long as you prepare the pizza this time, of course."

Temari stood still, looking at her brother. They could have been twins for all they were, they had been together since she could remember. Fifteen months apart but their hearts had always been closer than if they had been actual twins. And despite their different opinions and arguments, she did love him a lot.

"Come on, Temari," Kankurou all but whined. "Gaara needs a break. He's been working non-stop for the past few months. Let's have a nice, quiet evening so he can relax, too." His words were serious. The grin, though, was fixed on his face: the bastard knew exactly she would hardly say no when it came to Gaara.

She sighed. "Okay. But my choice of movies." Kankurou rolled his eyes and she shot him a challenging look. "What, already regretting it?"

"Whatever you want, little sister." He smiled at her, the crooked Kankurou-smile she knew so well. "I'll bring those sweet things you like so much. Naruto send some – we should be glad Nara isn't sending them anymore, we never knew what to do with them. You're the only one who actually likes them – and Gaara, of course, but he'd never admit to it."

"You're just happy you won't have to put up with him anymore." It hurt, joking like this. But somehow it hurt in a different way than it had a few weeks before. This was the way life was, she supposed: someone's heart always ended up broken. Life was no fairy-tale. But the pain was mellower, now, seemed to wait for something she couldn't yet define. It gave her an idea, faint and fragile, but growing stronger with each day: hearts could heal. Temari was strong. She would be alright, some day. At least she could tell herself so and hope it would become reality one day.

And she had her brothers.

"I'm happy I won't have to listen to Gaara rant how he's not good enough for you," Kankurou shot back, half-scared, unsure whether he had gone too far.

Two months – and tears no longer scratched at the back of her eyelids when she thought of Shikamaru. It was close, but it was a start. Temari smiled.

"I think I have to talk to him about Matsuri."

She heard Kankurou take a deep breath – half relief, half sorrow. How strange that their closeness meant that her pain was his, too.

"You are evil, Temari."

"I know." The sun was warm on her skin. Temari glanced into the sky, saw the signs of an approaching storm and felt oddly at peace. Kankurou's hand fell onto her shoulder.

"Let's go."


	9. Nine

_A/N: Thank you to everyone who has been with me so far. I really, really appreciate your patience. It should pick up a bit from here on, we're getting into the last third of the plot. And thanks to laughingstick, again :)_

* * *

**Chapter Nine**

The day she broke up with Shikamaru, Temari returned to the Bed and Breakfast she had stayed in the first night she had been in Hidden Leaf as Suna's diplomat. Her official work would last for four more days, probably, and she couldn't just drop everything and leave. But at night the familiar and strange (_different_) room was stuffy and the walls felt like they were closing in on her. In the morning she was tired and pale and different Konoha nin worriedly asked her whether she was feeling well. Temari tried to smile and nodded, mumbling assurances. She didn't meet Shikamaru a lot and when they did he was formal and polite, but never more. At least he could hold himself in check because she wasn't sure she'd be able to. She felt like screaming at him to do something, _anything- _and at the same time she was praying for him to not mention anything again. The days stretched like honey, sticky with heat and restlessness and doubt. She had never wanted to go back home so badly.

On her last night in Leaf, fleeing another sleepless night, wandering thoughts and too-warm sheets, Temari left the house and wandered Leaf's streets until she came to a small bridge across the Nagano. The river was comparatively large, flowing through the outskirts of the village. This was a small side arm, barely wide enough to act as excuse for building a bridge. On the stone wall that acted as a railing sat a dark figure. Temari started to turn away, not wanting to meet anyone tonight, and then caught the flash of a silvery reflection. Moonlight scattered on Ino's hair as she sat there, facing the river. She turned when Temari stepped up next to her: her face, in the light of the night, was sharp and pale.

"Hey."

Temari leaned over the railing, propped her elbows onto the wall and stared into the dark water. "Hey."

She hadn't met Ino and Chouji this time, only talked to Sakura on one occasion. Tenten and her two guys were out of town and it seemed like Hinata had taken on more responsibility in her clan, whatever that meant. It was strange, walking through the streets and recognizing shinobi: Kakashi-san, for example, or the long-haired jounin who had overseen the chuunin exams so many years ago. But there were more people, people she didn't know who still smiled at her when she crossed the street and passed them, people who might not know her personally but recognized the symbol on her head band and knew she was an ally. People who had accepted and even welcomed her into their village. And, of course, people who knew she was Shikamaru's girlfriend. What, she wondered, where the people thinking? When she had met Sakura the medic nin had told her to say hello to Shikamaru. Temari hoped the pink-haired shinobi hadn't noticed her obvious loss for words. Nobody seemed to behave differently towards her, what made her surmise that Shikamaru hadn't told anyone they had broken up, either. He, too, was trying to endure the affair with dignity: he hadn't once followed her or tried to persuade her to change her mind. As much as she had wished he would do so – if only to show that he fucking _cared_ – she also hoped he wouldn't. For both their sakes.

Still, at one point they would have to tell them and it was promising to turn into one huge embarrassment fest. Temari was currently praying she would be far away and long gone when Shikamaru decided to drop the news. She felt bad about it, but… Well. She would have to tell her family and her friends in Suna, after all.

"Are you alright?" Ino asked quietly and catapulted her back into reality. Without wanting to, Temari shook her head. "No."

"Hmm." Ino seemed to be willing to drop the topic while, at the same time, waiting for her to answer. As if she was giving Temari the opportunity to back out again without saying anything – and yet, the offer stood. Temari wasn't sure whether to be grateful or angry: Ino, after all, was a reason why she had broken up with Shikamaru – albeit not being an integral, sensible one.

"Have you ever," she found herself asking, "Thought of going out with Shikamaru?" The tone of her voice surprised her. She had spoken sharper than she had intended to. It was not that easy: this was Ino. Ino lived in Hidden Leaf. Ino saw Shikamaru every day - or could see him, if she wanted to. Ino had known Shikamaru for her entire life. The boy Shikamaru, lazy and awkward. The teenage Shikamaru, his feigned boredom not hiding the bright flame, the one who had fought in the chuunin trials and defeated Temari, the one who had led the team to retrieve Sasuke. Ino knew the Shikamaru he had been before they had lost their teacher. Ino knew a Shikamaru Temari never would know - but Temari, too, knew a man Ino couldn't know. It wasn't much, but it was a little bit.

Surprise showed on the other woman's face for the fraction of a second, something that proved how much the question had rattled her.

"It would be pointless," Ino said after a short pause, not denying anything but not answering the question that, as both of them knew, really had been hidden in the words. Did it mean something? Why didn't she just straight out deny everything? It made Temari angry, the way she just couldn't understand Ino. No. That was a lie. She could understand Ino so well it hurt. It hurt so much she could have screamed with every fiber of her being but that would not change anything. From the way Ino smiled, she knew what Temari felt. She _understood._ "We've known each other for so long. If he had any interest in me he would have shown it long ago." Both of them were aware her answer hadn't been the answer Temari had demanded but it was the truth. Strange how people could conceal so much by talking. She guessed the same was true for the opposite: so much could be revealed by what people didn't say.

"Aren't you lonely?"

At that, Ino gave a dry laugh. "I hardly could be, couldn't I?"

And that, Temari figured, was the question. "I broke up with Shikamaru."

Ino stilled.

Even the wind in the trees seemed to hold its breath while the soft sound of the river continued on. Her face didn't show anything. It was irritating, really, how this woman managed to conceal everything behind a mask that looked like a person. So much the opposite of her, who, as she knew, wore every sentiment of hers on her face.

"Why are you telling me this?"

"I don't know," Temari said. "I don't know anything, at this moment. Or: I know quite well _why_ I did it but I don't know whether it was the right thing to do. I just felt it couldn't go on like this." She glanced up into the sky: the moon hung low, surrounded by clouds. Shikamaru would have appreciated the sight. "Shikamaru knew, too. He didn't put much effort into trying to stop me."

Ino remained silent.

"I wondered about you, sometimes," Temari continued. "You're good at hiding it but sometimes you look at him as if you love him and, at the same time, as if you know you'll never have him. Do you love him? Or are you just clinging to him because he's your childhood friend?"

Ino's face seemed to close even more. "You shouldn't have done this. Break up with him, I mean. He really loves you."

Temari turned towards her, incensed. "And I love him. And don't _you_ dare tell me what I should and shouldn't have done. At least I have good reasons for breaking up with him. You have no reason for not being with him, never had an excuse."

"You don't know anything about me." Ino's voice was slowly dying down to a whisper. Suddenly Temari felt very, very tired.

"No, of course not. I'm just saying." And then she stopped, because what _did_ she want to say? "I sometimes got the feeling he was mine only as long as you did not decide you wanted him," she heard herself, as if from a long distance. "And I don't know why you never did."

She heard Ino draw in a deep breath.

"I really don't know anything about you," Temari repeated. "But I think…" She hesitated, looked at Ino's impassive face. As it was, this woman probably could rival Shikamaru at his finest blandness. It had wondered her before: from what she remembered, Ino always had been a very lively person, outgoing and extroverted. What had happened? "I always thought we could get along well."

At that Ino smiled, like a crack in a frozen window, a smile as sharp and brittle as glass. But not unfriendly or hostile. "You break up with Shikamaru, tell me I am in love with him and want to be my friend?"

"Sounds weird, doesn't it." Temari shrugged. "Maybe not right now. Right now I'm not quite sure how much of a role you played in ending this thing people called my _love life_" – She laughed dryly – "for the past five years. Right now I want to go back to Suna and not return for some time. But someday? Perhaps." She risked a short smile. "We could probably annoy Shikamaru to no ends."

The other woman did not answer to that. For a while they just stayed there, gazing into the darkness and listening to the river. It was a pretty sound. So soothing. Maybe she would be able to fall asleep now. Temari sighed.

"I have to get at least three hours of sleep before I leave."

Ino made a movement and stopped, as if she had planned on doing something and had changed her mind the very last second. Temari, watching her from the side, caught her inquiring glance. "Will you say good bye to Shikamaru?"

Pain, sharp as a needle. Temari took a breath to steady herself. "No. Everything that needed to be said has been said."

"Don't do this, Temari."

It flustered her at the same time that it angered her; that Ino could still plead on Shikamaru's behalf while she should have been glad Temari was leaving. Perhaps it was one of the reasons while she finally _would_ be going. How much, she wondered, was it costing the other woman? Probably as much as it cost Temari herself.

"It's done," she replied and turned to leave. "Bye, Ino. Take care." She hesitated for a second. "Watch out for Shikamaru for me."

Ino's eyes seemed sad but she did not try to push Temari further. "I will."

Temari waved a hand and started off, then remembered one last thing and turned around again. "Oh, and don't tell Shikamaru what I just told you, will you? He'll say we are-"

"Troublesome, I know." Ino finished her sentence, the corners of her lips turning upward. "Don't worry."

She probably had her own reasons for keeping their conversation to herself. Temari wasn't so sure anymore that Shikamaru did not know how Ino felt. But this wouldn't be any of her business in a short time.

The pain still was overwhelming.

The next morning, Ino saw her off. Getting further and further away from the gates of Hidden Leaf, Temari turned back a few times. Each time she expected to see Shikamaru but the familiar, tall figure did not appear. Ino was just barely visible when she turned back one last time, sighed and vowed to concentrate on the path before her, not behind.

The clouds in the sky looked like fluffy, white sheep.

…

While the outer walls of the houses of wind country's typical ducked, compact architecture were thick to both withstand storms and shield from heat and cold, the inner walls and doors lacked insulation.

"I should beat him up. I totally should." Kankurou's voice was filled with dark foreboding. "Did you see what he did? He sent a replacement. He didn't even dare to come here by himself, look us in the eye-"

In contrast to him, Gaara sounded almost uninterested. "Give the guy a break. He didn't break up with Temari, she broke up with him. Must've been heard for him, too. Besides, it has been six months. She's looking so much better nowadays."

Kankurou didn't let logic deter him in his thoughts of bloody vengeance. "I should beat him up and leave him outside to simmer nicely until the hyenas-"

"There are no hyenas in the desert."

Concession. "Okay, until the _scorpions_ eat him alive. Then I'll hang him-"

"Wouldn't he be dead already?"

"Since when have _you_ become the voice of reason? Fuck, it's about _principles_!"

"Which ones exactly?" Gaara inquired calmly.

Kankurou huffed, crossing his arms in front of his chest. "Those that state that…" Unable to come up with something, he threw his arms in the air. "Dammit, I don't _care_. Just let me go to Leaf and beat him up, rip off his legs..."

"Nah, can't let you do that. He's the Godaime's best diplomat."

"I _said _I don't care! Besides, he's holing himself up in this little town of his, pretending to be busy in order to not have to come here and face us like a man. I'll-"

"And besides, torturing him will be _my_ privilege."

Kankurou fell silent and stared at his little brother in surprise. "Wow. I didn't know you had it in you, Gaara."

Gaara shrugged, matter-of-fact. "I learned a lot."

"You already have something in mind?"

"Actually, I do."

Temari stopped eaves-dropping, threw open the door and burst into the room, dropping a stack of scrolls on Kankurou's head. "I debriefed the last three border patrols. The guard-on-duty has changed, nothing to report. Council's meeting tomorrow, there are three major topics and the matter of Iwa joining the Leaf-Sand-Thunder alliance. And we have to revise these proposals for the security conference in Kaminari no Kuni. Since I took care of all this, dinner's on the two of you."

Gaara glanced at the papers she had brought and sighed. "Another late-nighter."

"You signed up for this job."

"And I'm regretting it more and more with every passing day."

"No, you're not." Kankurou picked up the scrolls and sorted through them with a practiced eye. "You love your work and you know it. What I don't understand is why we're still helping you. It's not as if we get paid."

"Temari, could you please tell your thick-headed brother that he has the right to leave my office any time he likes to, and that he _please_ should take his stupid dolls when he does so? The earlier, the better. They're taking up space and gather dust." Gaara's voice was deadpan and as dry as the desert outside their window. The sun went down in a spectacular display of red pink and violet.

Temari smirked at her elder brother's immediate outrage. "My dolls aren't stupid. If something's stupid it's that silly pumpkin of yours. Aren't you too old to be carrying around your toys in your backpack?"

Gaara ignored him. "Council meeting. Tomorrow. We have to go over the Education Plan for the Academy, present the budget for the next year and think of how to counter Yamada-san's request to grant the Council transitional powers in case of the Kazekage's death. And the Tsuchi no Kuni problem."

"I wonder how you can remember all that stuff," Kankurou grumbled. "In my opinion there is no way Iwa can join the Alliance. Their political system mocks everything Suna stands for. They don't even know the meaning of the word Democracy."

Temari reached out and plucked the first scroll from the three pyramid Kankurou had created, whacking him on the head with it. "Stop moping around and get to work already."

Kankurou rolled his eyes, his faked bad mood and unwillingness to work not fooling any one of his siblings. "Bring it on."

Temari and Gaara shared a smile.

"You know, Kankurou," Gaara said, unsealing a scroll and spreading it out in front of him, "You're not fooling anyone of us. You like this work as much as we do."

"And you're not fooling me, either," his elder brother shot back. "You've always been this way. Shukaku might have concealed it, but you always cared for Suna. And for us."

"I agree on the first point."

Kankurou glanced at Temari knowingly and winked. And Temari knew, with a deep, satisfying clarity, that she had always loved her brothers and she would always do so, whatever was to come and whatever would change.


	10. Ten

**Chapter Ten**

The Godaime Hokage speared both her and Shikamaru with a steely gaze. "I can trust the two of you to work together despite your history, can't I?"

_Oh, great_, Temari thought. And then: _Of course she knows. _Everyone knew. Even in Suna, Shikamaru and her had been the main topic for months after their breakup.

In hindsight, it was a kind of interlude. Only Temari didn't know it at that time. What she knew was that it had been a bit more than one year since she and Shikamaru had broken up. She knew Hi no Kuni had a pirate problem and that a marauding band of missing-nin was plaguing Yu no Kuni. Konoha's forces were stretched thin and Leaf had turned to its allies for assistance. Which meant that after a year of absence, Temari was back.

She had avoided being sent to Konoha for the past months. Gaara had readily assigned her other missions and there was enough that needed to be done in Suna as well. A village, Temari had learned, never stood still. She could now understand why her father had had so little time for his children in the past, even though she still hadn't forgiven him entirely. But even small everyday chores could pile up until Temari was unable to look over her desk and if she had so much work to do – what could Gaara say about his workload? Seeing her younger brother fulfil his duties without so much as a complaint made her proud – and gave her a reason to continue forward. Only this time, when the messenger falcon had arrived, Gaara had singled her out with one glance and had asked her to go to Leaf. He needed someone who knew what he was doing, he said to the Council, and Temari was the best. And while she was proud that her brother relied on her that much she also felt her hands go cold and clammy thinking of whom she would have to face in Hidden Leaf. Then, she called herself stupid. It had been a year since she had last seen Shikamaru. She had moved on. Temari felt a smile blossom on her face at the realization and asked Gaara to be allowed to leave earlier that day in order to prepare for her assignment.

It wasn't yet fall in Hidden Leaf but it still was warm and clear. The gates welcomed her, wide open. The streets and plazas were abuzz with people and voices. The colors of the woods and the village greeted her like a lost daughter: it was as if she'd never been gone. The guards on duty did not seem familiar to her, which was no surprise. But the way along the streets was, and this surprised her. She emerged on the plaza in front of the Hokage's main office and signed in with the jounin at the check-in desk. From there, she was led to the Hokage's office. The room had changed subtly: the curtains were new, as was the small collection of sofas and armchairs in the one corner. There were flowers in the vase on the table. So similar and yet so different. The Godaime greeted her, Naruto by her side, and then Shikamaru walked in.

The same here, too. So familiar and yet so strange. Temari felt herself falling into the routine she had so finely developed in years of diplomatic work: the greeting, the first probing conversations, the tea. Until the moment she tasted the first sip of hot, aromatic green tea with a hint of vanilla, sweetened with honey and milk, she had not known how much she had liked it in the past. The conversation focused on her task – the setup of a joint task-force – and the Hokage shot her and Shikamaru a warning glance. A few last words and they were dismissed.

After four hours of patient planning, of Temari updating him on Suna's forces and them working out a preliminary strategy to counter and defeat the pirates and while, all the time, Shikamaru didn't look at her even once, she snapped. He seemed awkward but determined to make it work. In fact, he seemed to treat her like any other Suna nin – except for that_ don't-look-at-your-opponent_-thing. Temari didn't know whether to be flattered or insulted.

Her pen dropped to her notepad with a muffled sound. "Spit it out." Glaring at him, she leaned back and crossed her arms in front of her chest. "Are you still angry with me? That's _really_ unprofessional, Nara."

She saw him flinch and instantly regretted it.

"I _think_ you have the right to be angry at _me_," Shikamaru said carefully and put down his pen as well. "And I have the right to be angry at you." But when he looked up and their eyes finally met she saw no anger in them at all.

Opening and closing her mouth she feared she looked like a stupid fish out of the water. "So… So what?"

"I don't know," he confessed. "It just feels awkward. But I think we can get past this." His eyes raked over her face quickly, searching for approval. "Can't we?"

Temari swallowed. "Look, I realize this is hard for either one of us. But I'd really like to skip the _Let's be friends_, okay?"

"What do you mean by that?" He asked, his voice carefully neutral. Temari went over her words and realized it sounded as if she _did not_ want to be friends with him.

"I hate these fucking clichés!" She exploded. "Can't we just-" _Forget about it, _she had wanted to say, but it made five of some very beautiful years of her life sound so unimportant. Fidgeting, she looked down, unable to meet his eye.

"Okay," Shikamaru said after a small pause. "I think I got it. In that case…"

"What?" She looked up just in time to catch the tiny smile that spread over his face.

"Friends?" He offered.

Temari thought about it. Then, she nodded. "Friends."

Still a cliché, but she could live with that.

…

Another ten months later they were working on a list of suppositions for the Councils of the Five Shinobi Villages for a mutual contract on the treatment of prisoners of war when a knock resounded and a young, female chuunin entered, and, fidgeting, asked whether they wanted to take a break and whether she should bring in the ordered lunch. When Shikamaru nodded at her she blushed furiously and stammered a few words, then left overly hasty. Temari, who only now realized how starved she was, watched the exchange with a sly grin on her face. Shikamaru caught her and pulled up one brow in a one-sided frown but said nothing. Only when the platter of cold meat and cheese and a basket of bread had arrived – again served by the furiously blushing chuunin – and they had started to eat, he talked again.

"Is it too early to ask you if you have a boyfriend?"

Temari put down the piece of bread she was eating and took a sip of water. It was one of the things he had taught her: think about your answers before opening your trap. "I don't know. What do you think?"

_Too early, Shikamaru, really? _Inwardly, she smiled. It was his way of saying _I know it's none of my business but I want to know, nevertheless. _She could still read him so easily, always would be able to.

His answer came almost too fast. "I think you don't have to tell me." Something ran across his face, too quick for her to identify. But there was something in his voice that made her look up and think closer. He returned her watchful glance with one that was almost amused.

"Nara Shikamaru, are you messing with me?" She demanded incredulously and received a snort in return. "You are!" Temari leaned back, a smile stretching across her face.

Shikamaru leaned back into his chair, as well, his fingers idly playing with a few tomatoes on his dish. His face was impassive, but there was no pain in his eyes. Temari didn't feel the hurt, either. So she paused again, took a bite of her sandwich, then grinned at him broadly. "Is it too early to tell you I'm engaged?"

His surprise was genuine, as was the happiness she could see in his eyes. Had it really been two years since they had broken up? It felt so much longer. It felt like it had taken her an eternity to get over him and then another one to even consider dating again, and then another until she had fallen in love again when, in fact, it only had been twenty-two months. Such a short time to get over someone and to fall in love with someone else. Or wasn't it? And while she did not want to talk about everything that had happened since they had separated there were things she desperately wanted to tell him _about_. Why was it that she still could talk to him so easily? Or was it that she could talk to him easily _again_? Temari had no idea. "What about you?"

At her question, Shikamaru shrugged. _No further questions_, his eyes said. Temari decided to change the topic and blundered straight into the greatest faux pas of her life.

"How's Ino, by the way? I haven't seen her at all. Away on a mission?"

She could see her mistake in the way his shoulders tensed and his knuckles turned white. Shikamaru looked as if she had thrown an invisible brick wall at him and had left him no possibility to dodge. Temari, suddenly stricken by a nameless fear, almost didn't dare to ask. She licked her lips and gathered her courage. How to voice it in a way it wouldn't be too hard? Ino would have known which words to use.

"What happened?"

What would be worse, Temari thought, shaking: If Ino and Shikamaru had broken up after being together, or if Ino had found someone else and Shikamaru had watched her slip away, only then realizing that he had loved her for far longer than he had realized?

"One of Ino's missions went wrong. She was attacked by missing-nin. She protected two children and was stabbed in the back. Naruto found her before it was too late, but…" Shikamaru took a deep breath. "She's paralyzed from her waist down."

Temari felt all her blood drain from her face. "We heard a Konoha Anbu was badly injured but I didn't know…"

Shikamaru's voice held no feelings at all as he stared at the wall directly next to her head. "She won't ever walk again."

"God." Temari didn't know what to say. "That's… That's horrible. When did it happen?"

"Bit more than half a year ago."

She tried to imagine it: never being able to walk again. Never being able to run through the desert, feel the hot winds on her face. Never being able to skip down the stairs again… She couldn't. It was darkness and shadows all over.

"How is she doing?"

If Shikamaru was surprised by her interest, he didn't show it. "It was bad in the beginning. Depression and stuff. She managed to snap out of it eventually. It's getting better."

Had Temari been anyone else, she figured, he wouldn't have told her. But they had been so close once.

"Of course," she said with a certainty she wasn't sure she really felt. "It's Ino. What is she doing nowadays?"

Shikamaru stared at his scrolls without actually seeing them. "Working in her parents' flower shop."

"Hey," Temari said, pulling away his papers and forcing him to look at her. "You're not thinking this is your fault?"

He returned her intense stare, his face unreadable even for her. "None of your business."

It _almost_ stung. It would have been her business, before. Now, Temari just leaned back, crossed her arms over her chest and returned his death glare. "No, it isn't. I recommend you talk to her before you suffocate in self-pity."

Shikamaru wordlessly stood up and walked out of the room. The female chuunin, returning with a fresh pitcher of water, almost dropped the object when he brushed past; shot a terrified (or was it accusing?) glance at Temari and departed again hastily.

…

She did it on impulse because she wasn't sure whether she would be welcomed or scorned. Ino was in the flower shop, as Chouji had told her she would be. Temari watched the other woman through the shop window for a minute before she entered the store.

"Temari!" Ino seemed both genuinely surprised and genuinely glad to see her, although her face didn't show much of it. They hadn't remained in contact despite the note on which they had parted. It hadn't been easy for Temari to not think about Ino without anger even though she knew, realistically, that the failure in relationship had been her and Shikamaru's, not Ino's. Still, it had taken her a while to cast aside her jealousy and then it had felt stupid writing to a person she only knew as her ex-boyfriend's childhood friend. What was she supposed to say? What would Ino think, and, worst of all: would she think Temari was writing to her only to ask about Shikamaru? There were a million reasons why the idea of a trans-village friendship seemed ridiculous, so she had left it at that.

Seeing her again after all that time brought back some of her initial feelings towards her – minus the anger. _Good_. It was nice to know that, even at her age, Temari had been able to grow. She'd always hated her short-temperateness and her habit of judging people too quickly. Ino had become, if possible, even more beautiful. Her silver hair still was shoulder-length. Her face was thinner and her initial sharpness had turned to fragility; it seemed as if a mere gust of wind could blow her away. She was wearing dark clothes and a turquoise scarf draped around her shoulders, nice colors in the vivid flower shop surroundings because they blended in discreetly. The invisible veil that always had separated her from everything and everyone still was there, impenetrable. But there was a smile on her lips that made her look much more real than she ever had before.

"I heard you were in town again," She said, not moving from her place but looking at Temari with something like a welcome in her eyes. "I wasn't sure you'd want to meet me."

"I'm glad I was able to come," Temari said, deliberately cheerful, and crossed the short expanse between them. She clasped the other woman's hand: it felt cool and small in hers. "I meant what I said that day, you know."

"How have you been doing?" Ino asked and Temari couldn't help herself: she glanced down at the wheel chair Ino was sitting in. Ino caught her staring at her legs and a shadow seemed to fall over her. It was as if, sitting in the midst of colors and flowers, scent and warmth, Ino had forgotten that she couldn't walk anymore, and had greeted Temari accordingly. And then Temari had reminded her of reality; a reality that, Temari could imagine, was especially harsh for the dedicated florist and Anbu. If something like this was to happen to her… Temari didn't even want to _think_ about how she would feel.

She tore her glance off Ino's legs and looked her in the face with the dreading feeling that pity and embarrassment was clearly written in her face. Nevertheless, she refused to ignore the pink elephant in the room. "Shikamaru told me what happened."

"Well." What probably was supposed to be a smile died a premature death on Ino's face. "I appreciate the fact that you don't try to beat around the bush. It's extremely awkward when people stare at my legs mutely instead of my face. To think I used to lament over guys staring at my _chest_." It sounded as if she was joking. Was it possible? Could one lose something one had always taken for granted and still joke about it? "I was lucky," Ino continued. "I could have ended up being paralyzed from the head down."

"How…" Temari laced her fingers into each other behind her back, searching for a topic, words and a place to look at instead of Ino's face. "How do you do?"

"I manage. I have the shop. It keeps me busy. And Naruto asks for my opinion on Anbu matters or Leaf Intelligence now and then." She laughed, a short, pitiless laugh that actually sounded honest. "It's at night that it is hardest."

Temari had the feeling the last words had somehow slipped by Ino's defenses because the honesty and pain that laced her words surely hadn't been supposed to be obvious for _her_. Despite their long acquaintance they were strangers, after all. On the other hand, sometimes talking to strangers was far easier than talking to people one knew really well.

"But everyone has been really kind to me."

Something in Ino's voice made Temari halt. She eyed the woman who was busying her hands with a small wreath of ivy that she wound and unwound again and again. "You don't want them to be nice?"

"Not…" Ino waved at herself with one hand. "Not like that." Then her face closed itself, reminding Temari of the fact that this still was Ino, despite everything. "Not that it is any of your business, of course."

"It isn't." Temari didn't apologize. "I just… Wanted to ask whether you'd like to go for dinner tomorrow." Impulse only. She hadn't had any plans when she'd come to Ino's flower shop.

"Why not?" Ino seemed surprised at her own answer, and Temari was so, as well.

"Great. Tomorrow at seven? I'll pick you up."

"Fine." They smiled. Temari stayed for another half an hour until she made her way back to the place she was staying in. Shortly before falling asleep, her thoughts drifted back to Ino. How did it feel, smiling in the face of everything that had happened? A conversation popped into her mind, one she had had with Hatori after his father had died. _You don't get through this alone,_ he had told her. _I'm lucky to have you._

If Temari wasn't completely mistaken Ino had had the Konoha Twelve – eleven, without her – behind her. She hoped it had been enough.

She resolved to bring Shikamaru's misdirected guilt trip up sometime during her dinner with Ino.

…

"You're making Matsuri your personal aide, Gaara?"

Temari glanced up from the papers she was going through. Outside, the midday sun was burning down on sand and the ducked houses of the hidden village. Inside it still was warm but at least the glaring sun-rays did not reach the desk. It was the season of sleeping winds which made the heat all the more oppressing, but at least the amount of sand which was prone to creeping into every crack and every niche was reduced quite significantly.

"Yes." Gaara didn't look up from his reading.

Kankurou, on the other side of Temari's desk, glanced up as well, an obnoxious grin on his face. "She's the best there is, isn't she, little brother?"

"Better than you, although that is not very difficult."

"Outch!" Kankurou pressed both his hands to his chest. "You wound me, brother. Am I not doing my best for you each and every day here?" Temari snorted. Kankurou blinked at her from across the table. "But then, we all know how highly you value your precious little student."

"Do you." Gaara had mastered the art of deadpan long ago, Temari reflected and leaned back. It was on those moments when she loved her brothers most: the quiet, normal moments when they were together, working, doing whatever. Usually it was then when they were interrupted-

"Kazekage!" A shinobi burst into the room without having knocked, the obvious source for the hammering footsteps Temari had heard a few seconds before it had become clear. "There is something-"

The man, a jounin named Katou, came to an abrupt halt in front of Gaara's large desk. He gave a look at his superior and froze in embarrassment. "Esteemed Kazekage, I apologize for the sudden intrusion but there is something you need to see immediately!"

Temari was on her feet before she even realized it. Kankurou already was next to her. Gaara, on the other hand, remained completely calm.

"What happened, Katou?"

The man was stumbling over his own words. "We didn't think it would actually be possible, but then we saw – and the captain of the guard said to call you – it is huge, Kazekage! We never expected – completely taken by surprise-"

Frowning, Temari tried to make sense of the garbled words. She didn't sense any immediate danger from the obviously agitated shinobi in front of her but that didn't necessarily mean anything. It had been quiet lately, almost peaceful. For a second her thoughts went to Hatori – but he was out on a mission, it couldn't be anything concerning him. The thought was enormously calming, although her level of guardedness remained high.

"You just have to see this," Katou ended, sighing as if a huge load had been taken off his shoulders.

"Lead the way, then," Gaara said and motioned at the man to walk. Temari and Kankurou fell into step at either side of Gaara, the position they'd had for as long as she could remember.


End file.
